Blogs for Birth Moms
A way to maintain contact in an open adoption.
When my husband and I had our first meeting with our daughter’s birth mom, she was concerned we would lose contact after placement. Previously, she had a son that was taken from her. The baby ended up in foster care and then was later adopted. The adoption was an open adoption, but she had only heard from the adoptive family a couple of times. I was so sad for her. All she wanted was a couple of pictures and an update on how the baby was doing.
During our first meeting, she expressed how much contact meant to her. Hearing a birth mom’s view was eye-opening. One of the biggest fears my husband and I had about open adoption was whether or not the birth family would cross any boundaries. We were afraid they would try to contact us all the time or always want to see the child. As I sat there and listened to our birth mom’s pleas, I realized she didn’t want much. All she wanted was to know her baby was happy and healthy and to be able to see how much she had grown.
After the meeting my husband and I tried to come up with creative ways to have contact with the birth mom, but still maintain our privacy. Along with permission from our agency, we created a blog just for the birth mom. The blog is very basic. We only post a couple of pictures every month, with a one to two-word phrase explaining the picture.
For example, I just posted a picture of my baby girl standing by herself for the first time. The title was, “Look What I Can Do.” Sometimes I will write more, but I strive to keep it simple. The birth mom can log on to the site any time and look at pictures. We do not offer any back and forth comments at this time. Maybe when our relationship with the birth mom becomes closer, we will. We still like to keep most communication through the agency.
Here are some things to consider when creating a blog:
–Make sure you use all the privacy settings available.
–Create a title for the blog only you and the birth family will know.
–Do not include last names in the email or name of the blog.
–Do not tell the birth family you will update the blog often if you know you will not. These birth families look forward to seeing updates about the baby. If you know you are not very organized–like me–and will not post pictures often, do not make promises that you will. This might create conflict and hurt your relationship.
–Keep the blog between you and the birth family. Do not share with anyone else. Let the birth family share with their friends and family, if they would like to.
Our daughter’s birth mom loves to look at the blog. She loves that she can go to the site when she wants and look back at pictures from a year ago. We still send letters and pictures to her through the agency. We do this twice a year to meet the open adoption requirements. The blog allows us to go a little farther and show our birth mom how much we love her. And one day, our daughter will be able to log on and see how we stayed in contact with her birth mom.