Did I Ever Think of You Over the Years?

Everytime I saw a little boy with brown eyes and hair~ in my mind I carried the picture of a brown eyed boy with wavy hair.

When I saw children playing..

At Christmas.

When my other son was born and I thought, “Today you’re 5, in your first year of school.”

When I heard the song, “You Are My Sunshine”. I sang that to you when I was pregnant. You were a restless baby-it seemed to soothe you. I still cry when I hear it-it’s been 34 years.

When my grandson was born-you were 15 then.

When I saw a small statue of a little boy holding a rabbit in his lap..I thought of you. I went back and got it..It sits in my favorite room..I have had it over 20 years. I will give it to you someday.

When I made a teddy bear for my children and my grandchildren. I made you one too. I named it Jonathan and sat it on a shelf until I could give it to you..

When I dreamed of you..over and over, I still do.

When I was diagnosed with a genetically transmitted disease that could kill me. I was afraid I would die before I found you.

When I was afraid you may have the same disease-or your children would..and I had no way of telling you.

When you were 18…and I began searching for you..

When I wondered if you were married…and had children.

On your birthday-those were the toughest times..I left the house alone, I cried and grieved for you-alone, driving in the car.

When I told your half sister and brother about you.

When I wrote you a letter on your 30th birthday, telling you I had to know if you were alive and well.I will never stop searching for you. I put it in a journal to give to you someday. I still have it.

When I added my name and your date of birth to one more registry.

When I took your birth certificate out of the original envelope it was mailed to me in-in 1965. The envelope is getting worn and discolored-it is the only tangible evidence I have of your existance.

You will always be in my heart and in my thoughts.