**Disclaimer: This message is in no way means to disrespect or upset anyone. I love and care for every birth mother across the board. It is just time to get real and say things many don’t want to talk about**
In the past six months, I have really dived into the adoption realm. Writing, reading, watching, listening, and observing–my head is spinning. As birth moms, we have all come from many different places, reasons for placing, types of adoption, backgrounds, and faiths. One thing we all have in common is that we made the choice to place.
We are birth mothers because of choices we made.
Now wait a second before you all chop my head off, let me explain…
Some birth mothers feel that they were forced to place. That they did not have a choice. No other options were provided to them. I am here to say that if you have placed a baby for adoption it was ultimately your decision. We all signed those papers. I know some of us choose adoption willingly because we thought it was our best option at that time for our baby. Some were coerced or pressured.
But we did it. We need to not put the blame of it on anyone else and own it. As I reflect on my story, there are parts that I have not owned up to. They are embarrassing and selfish and I tend to leave those out, but I am only hindering my own healing process. Here is where the life’s lemons come into it.
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There is a lot of wisdom in that old quote all of our mothers used to tell us over and over again when we were little. “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” To most birth mothers, myself included, getting pregnant was definitely a lemon. After that, we have two choices: We can give in to the shame, guilt, and sourness of the situation, or we can see our mistake as what it was–a crossroads and opportunity to grow–and face it head-on with optimism and hope.
We can either keep the lemons or make lemonade out of the situation. What at first might be seen as a terrible nightmare, set back, or shock, can turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
I know that I am far from perfect. I have made more mistakes than I can count. I, too, have had pain, tears, and heartache about adoption: not only from placing my daughter, but also by being an adoptee as well. I now have peace.
This is not to bash anyone. This post is to encourage and inspire and to open eyes to what can be if we look for the positive in a difficult situation. I take full responsibility for my choices in becoming a birth mom. Was it easy? Heck no. Was it painful? Yes. Did I grow from my experience? I certainly did. I took my lemons and turned them into lemonade! What will you do with the lemons that life gives you?
