The Journey Home

I thought I needed to take a walk. I walked for quite sometime, judging by the sun
setting over the horizon.

I did not wear a watch, and there was no clock to set my eyes on.

Totally oblivious to all that was so obvious, not ceasing, walking steadily. I
cried.

To my suprise, there stood before my very eyes a dark and seemingly empty cave.

Well, there surely was no time to waste, so I leaped into the hollow. Careful no one
saw me, for fear that they might follow.

Feeling lite and insecure, filled with apprehension, shaking with uncertainty,
heeding not the warning in the vision I dreamed yesterday.

Still unsure and somewhat blinded, I felt a need for compromise, for it was my heart
at stake.

Such a dark and lonely place, and surely in this mysterious cave,
I would find one or the other, my sunrise or my demise.

I surely never expected though, like a howling, racing gust of wind, so did the
days and nights pass by searching. Searching endlessly for what Aaron (birthson) and
I only knew. I had to find him, find him from the past for my stone cold heart was
turning to glass.

With a glass heart, one could see through my soul and they would see my blackened
hole and turn away. Eventually I gave up hope, alone and afraid , no one in whom to
confide. No place to hide, I felt so angry, so outraged; my journey but an empty
page.

All I’d been searching for was something to fill the hole in my heart. It wouldn’t
be until journey’s end that I would find just that missing part. For many aimless
days and hopeless nights, I roved, ready to give up and eagar to go home.

It seemed as though I’d been walking forever, and then, wow, here’s something new.
Yes, in the air the sense of heather. I followed the enticing aroma. my head
felt lite like i was coming out of a coma i looked around the bend and
saw a light. No, two, and just around the next bend, there were more – both white
and blue.

It was then that I realized I’d walked mysef to death. Towards my first few steps
into that cave, I’d taken my last breath.

At last, my search had ended, and it was finally over. I’ve written it all down for
you, so one day you’ll discover what took me a lifetime to finally see: the answer
was not in the cave.

I carried it in me… it’s been 21 years, and finally, my heart is mending. I have
just had a 2 week vacation with my son, and it was beautiful.

I have no words to express the emotions I felt when I first saw him again. Thank
you, Aaron, for allowing us to be a part of your new walk in life.

Love, “mom”

© Sandi Krzyzan