We learned pretty shortly after we got married that we would likely need medical intervention in order to become pregnant. We discussed medical treatments, but decided to pursue adoption instead. We researched agency and private adoption and decided private adoption was the better fit for our situation. We learned about Adoption.com Parent Profiles at an adoption support group and our lawyer affirmed that he had worked with many couples that matched using the site.
We matched after seven months on the site. During those seven months we talked to just over twenty birth mothers and one birth father. Some we only spoke to once and others we built relationships with over several weeks. We had a dedicated “baby phone” and always got excited when the phone rang. It was definitely an emotional rollercoaster ride. There were a few heartbreaking near misses with placement. In the end it was worth it when we connected with our son’s birth mother.
Like many adoptive parents we know, we met our son’s birth mother within a month of her due date. It felt different from other connections we had during the seven months. First of all, our son’s birth mom is a teenager and her mom was involved in selecting us. It gave us great confidence that her mom and family were supporting her decision to place with us. Second of all, we got along with the family very well. We enjoyed meeting them about a week before our son was born. We connected with them around shared interests and values.
We knew from the beginning we wanted an open adoption. At first, our son’s birth mom didn’t want an ongoing relationship with us but her mother did. After the baby was born, birth mom and birth grandma decided they wanted to keep in touch with us. Our connection to our son’s birth family continues to this day. We share texts and pictures once or twice a month. We exchange Christmas and birthday cards. We know it is in our son’s interest to have them in his life and feels really healthy for all of us.
Parenthood is wonderful and full of unexpected surprises. We’ve felt more joy and greater fear at different moments during his first year than ever before because we have a deeper love for him than we’ve ever known