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it appears my husband and I are facing divorce. We currently have 2 foster children, so we know this will complicate things.
Here is the deal, we are very civil. we do not fight, yell, or anything. It is just a matter that things have changed and something has happened, so we are facing divorce.
We plan on living together as room mates for the next 8-10 months.
I have the desire to continue to be a foster parent. he does too, but because he works, he doesnt think it will work as a single dad.
Does anyone know if this will automatically revoke our license, and i wont be able to continue to be a FP? Will the agency automatically remove the kids, even if things are calm and "normal" around here? Basically the difference is we are sleeping in separate beds.
If my license gets cancelled, how long would i have to wait to reapply? would i have to retake the PS-MAPP class?
I am so torn because i have ALWAYS wanted to be a foster parent. I love being home and working with the kids so much. I know that my marital status change will not be good for the agency, but we are really great parents and the agency loves us.
does anyone have any advice?
I have asked him to wait to file, and he said he doesnt understand why we should. We are possibly going to disrupt our current placement because of some behaviors they are having, that are putting my own kids at risk. We are trying to get them help and for now we are keeping everyone separate, but it will likely come down to disruption soon. The case plan is going to go to Adoption, but we are not adoptive. ( even before we decided to divorce)
For now we are keeping everything as normal as possible. havent even told the kids yet. Just trying to work out the details.
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Going through a very similar situation - DH and I have been discussing divorce for probably 8 or 9 months and it's looking as though that's where we are really headed. Our agency has known for nearly that long and it has not been an issue at all. Our FC were recently freed for adoption and will be adopted by me, DH will continue to be a part of their lives.
I think you need to be honest with your LW or whoever in your agency you feel most comfortable talking to about what is going on in your life. It would probably be best if you and your husband can have that conversation with your agency together - show them that you are willing to work together, that things are civil between you and that you have a plan for the next 8 to 10 months and what you think your plan may be after that.
I'm sorry that you are going through this - no matter how civil it is or whether or not you are both in agreement that ending your marriage is the right decision, it's still a very difficult and emotional time.
ours is a religious-affiliated agency. they do not license unmarried couples, so the living together after divorce thing would be a problem for them, but oddly enough, the actual divorce would not.
i know plenty of single fps--and their agencies don't seem to care how they arrived at their singleness.
you need to decide what will work best for you and your family. and if your agency has issues with your living arrangements, find one that doesn't.
i wish you peace with your decision.
I'm sorry to hear your news. I started fostering as a divorced single mom, and they had no problem with that at all-there are no rules about single parent fostering or adoption here in Florida. As long as you have enough income so that you are not "dependent" on the monthly stipend. My ex-husband never wanted to have more kids or foster (we have one between us). I always wanted more kids, then got too old, then wanted to foster. So I decided 2.5 years post-divorce to start MAPP classes. They say as long as you are "stable"-like if I was freshly divorced they wouldn't have liked that. You have to be in your current status at least one year I think is the guideline. They said in MAPP class that if you get married or divorced after being licensed, you have to re-take MAPP because your family status changes. I wish you the best!
racingwife20
Going through a very similar situation - DH and I have been discussing divorce for probably 8 or 9 months and it's looking as though that's where we are really headed. Our agency has known for nearly that long and it has not been an issue at all. Our FC were recently freed for adoption and will be adopted by me, DH will continue to be a part of their lives.
I'm sorry that you are going through this - no matter how civil it is or whether or not you are both in agreement that ending your marriage is the right decision, it's still a very difficult and emotional time.
That is amazing! I am so glad to hear they worked with you like that!! It certainly makes sense...I've just seen too many of the cases where it didn't! Maybe people are starting to wake up to reality...and not disrupt kids further!
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happy2bjustmommy
I have asked him to wait to file, and he said he doesnt understand why we should. We are possibly going to disrupt our current placement because of some behaviors they are having, that are putting my own kids at risk. We are trying to get them help and for now we are keeping everyone separate, but it will likely come down to disruption soon. The case plan is going to go to Adoption, but we are not adoptive. ( even before we decided to divorce)
For now we are keeping everything as normal as possible. havent even told the kids yet. Just trying to work out the details.
Well, hang in there...divorce is rough...I know when I went through mine, I thought Iwould be nothing but relieved...*wrong!!* Take care of yourself in all of this...it sounds like you are on the right track...and I hope that your agency will work with you and not make it harder!
I'm sure there will need to be a new homestudy because the household circumstances will be changing, 2 parents to 1 (will affect your allowed numbers), support system, financials, etc. But you can definitely be a single foster parent as long as you can show you have a stable support system and the means to support the foster children before stipend :) I'm a single foster parent with 3 foster kids and 1 AD (through FC).
I was 2 yrs post divorce when I decided to get licensed again. They also have a rule about showing stability after separation or divorce. I'm not sure how they handle current couple divorcing.
Here if you get divorced they revoke your license. I know of a specific couple that informed their worker they were looking to divorce & their kids were moved 2 days later.
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Mommy2NoneHopefully1
Here if you get divorced they revoke your license. I know of a specific couple that informed their worker they were looking to divorce & their kids were moved 2 days later.
There may be specific circumstances where that may be best for the children, but it sounds like it should really be something that would be considered on an individual case basis. Like I said, in our case, the kids have been with us nearly three years - a divorce between my husband and I would be much less traumatic for them than being moved to another home.
Yea I agree it should be a case by case basis. The kids had only been there a few months but they were headed to adoption. It must depend on the area also because it seems others have been able to keep the children, which obviously sounds best in your situation.
I'm sure it varies drastically agency to agency. I know a couple circumstances in our area where they removed the kids immediately as soon as CPS found out about the pending divorce. Here, you have to be a year distanced from a "life changing event." So, they don't allow any future placements until a year after the divorce is finalized.
I am so sorry for what your going through.......I wish you all the very best, I always wondered the same thing, so it was very nice reading peoples responses....Your not alone ;)
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Just wanted to say thank you for the responses. For now, everything with the divorce is on hold. we are taking a step back and we are going to try to work things out.
we are currently "separated" but living in the same house, and we are starting over. We are great co-parents and we will be going to counseling to work on the marriage stuff.
I hope we can work this out, and both of us will be happy. If not, our worlds will change dramatically, but we will cross that bridge later.
Praying for you, hon...it's a hard road...but, counceling is worth a shot! I have been where you are...just remember, the next right thing in the next five minutes is all you have to do today...