You have probably heard people say that kids say the “darndest” or craziest things. Well, adoptive parents also sometimes say things that seem pretty crazy and downright impossible. Here are a few things that you might hear an adoptive parent say.
1.) “He looks/acts just like me.”
This is can be true in many instances of adoptive families. I personally know quite a few adoptive families whose adopted children resemble their adoptive father/mother/sibling in an uncanny way. One girl looks like her cousin so much that they could pass as sisters. Another girl is tall and leggy like her father, with dark hair and eyes just like him! In our family, people tell us all the time that our older son looks like my husband. He has brown hair, blue eyes, and wide smile similar to his dad. It is crazy. No matter how much he looks like his dad, he acts like me as a kid. We are both true firstborns: headstrong, independent, and loud. We are imaginative, talkative, and pretty energetic. I jokingly tell my husband that if we had been able to have biological children, we could not have created a better clone of ourselves than our older son. In our family, we like to call this “God-netics” instead of genetics.
2.) “Whose nose does he have? I don’t remember seeing that feature on my side of the family.”
My friend actually said this in reference to her adopted son. She told me that she forgot that he was adopted. He was just her son, like the rest of her biological children. There was no difference in the way she looked at and interacted with him. It’s true: adoptive parents tend to forget that their kids are adopted. When I look at my boys, I am constantly amazed by their ever-changing and adorable features. I might be biased, but I think that I have the cutest boys in the entire world. Every day I am amazed at how perfectly formed they are. When I look at them, I don’t see two little adopted boys. I only see my sons whom I’ve raised since they were less than a month old. Maybe their features don’t mirror mine and maybe they don’t have my grandpa’s chin, but that doesn’t matter. They are my boys, and I am their mom.
3.) “When I gave birth to you…”
Growing up, when I misbehaved, I can remember hearing my mom say, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.” I think at that point I had driven her to insanity with my shenanigans, and she was about to wring my little neck. One day my sons were getting on my nerves, and I thought about throwing my mom’s statement at them. I refrained, of course, and chuckled inside myself for even thinking it. Another adoptive mom was talking to her biological children and adoptive son about the days they were born. When she got to her adoptive son, she started, “When I gave birth to you..,” but then she caught herself and had a good laugh at the mistake. Adoptive moms typically do not birth their adopted children into the world unless it is via embryonic adoption. It is easy to forget because they see them only as their children. Nothing else; nothing less.
4.) “We waited our whole lives for you.”
Growing up, I did not give much thought to how families were formed. People grew up. Boy met girl. They fell in love, got married, and had babies. It was just the way it was. I knew people who had adopted, but in the 80s and 90s, it didn’t seem to be a common thing, at least in my neck of the woods. Maybe I was just oblivious. Then it came my turn to grow up. While in college I met a cute guy, and eventually, we got married. Our plan was to wait two years and then start our family. Two years came and went, but no babies. Fast forward another ten years, but still no babies. Though I loved the concept of adoption, I never figured I would be an adoptive mom, but the love in my heart for kids crushed any thought of remaining childless. We had just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary when God brought us our first son via domestic infant adoption. I was 34 years old. While I had dabbled with a career and short-term jobs, all I had ever wanted to do was be a mom. In fact, I was in the process of interviewing for a fantastic job when we got the call about our first son. During the interview process, they had asked me what my dream job was, and I told them it was to be a stay-at-home mom. After learning that we had a son, I told the company that I was going to take my dream job instead of the job they were about to offer. Now, I tell my boys that I waited my whole life to be their mom. I’ve held lots of titles and positions in my lifetime, but the best title ever is “Mom.”
These are just 4 things that many adoptive families may say. Some of them are surprising, but all are heartwarming. Adopted children are no different than biological children; they just joined our families in a special way. They grew in our heart rather than under it.
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