5 Ways I Felt the Moment We Were Matched

I felt a mixture of joy and sadness all at the same time.

Shelley Skuster July 30, 2018

I wept when the social worker told me the news. Our waiting was over, and our journey of parenthood was beginning.

When we were matched with our daughter, I was expecting to be elated. After all, I had wanted to be a mom for years. But the truth is, as with most aspects of adoption, I experienced a whole gamut of feelings after being chosen as my daughter’s mom.

You see, when a child is placed for adoption, he or she also experiences an incredible loss. That’s what makes it so bittersweet.

Here are five ways I felt the moment we were matched:


1. Honored

I truly believe there is no greater honor than being chosen as a parent via adoption. For strangers to look through a book of photos and information about you and your family and reach the conclusion that you have exactly what they want for their most-prized gift is an incredible honor.

2. Happy

Becoming a parent is one of life’s happiest occasions, no matter how that child comes to you. I’ve been lucky enough to experience welcoming four babies into our family, and each time, I’ve felt an unexplainable sense of joy and happiness with welcoming them into this world.

3. Sad

I was sad that an adoption plan had to be made in the first place; I was sad that my happiness would come at the expense of the immense amount of grief by my child’s birth family. I was sad knowing I’d need to tell my child’s birth family goodbye.

4. Relieved

For adoptive parents who have spent time waiting to be matched, there is an incredible amount of relief when that phone call comes to announce your waiting is over. For me, it felt like our lives were no longer on hold, and that we could finally make plans because we had clarity on moving on, moving forward.

5. Nervous

I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was nervous about becoming a mom. I was worried about bonding with my daughter. I was anxious about whether her birth parents would change their minds. And I was nervous about how to navigate the complexities that come with having a transracial family.

What about you? How did you feel when you were matched? Were you surprised by any of those feelings?

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Shelley Skuster

Shelley is a former award-winning television journalist who traded in suit coats and red lipstick for a messy bun and yoga pants. She's a freelance writer who stays at home with her three daughters who are all ((gasp)) under the age of three and came to her via adoption and birth. She's the woman behind the blog Shelley Writes and she can also be found on facebook and twitter as ShelleySkuster.

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