“You’re giving up all your rights,
you know that, don’t you dear?”
I nodded my head yes
holding back a tear.
“You understand his name will change
and he will be their son,
and once you sign this paper
the adoption will be done?”
Once again I answered yes
with a simple nod of head
not even really hearing
just what it was he said.
“Once you sign these papers
you can never change your mind.”
“When you walk out through those doors
you’re leaving him behind.”
As my tears begin to flow
I said “There’s something
you should know”
“You see, your honor
I love my son.
“I’m looking out for my number one.”
“I love him more than life, you see,
“I love him more than I love me.”
“This is the hardest thing I’ll ever do”
“it makes me feel my life is through.
“But what I’m giving him today,
is a chance to live another way.”
“I’ll feel this pain for the rest of my life
but in his world there’ll be no strive.”
From his bench, the judge looked down
he cleared his throat and looked around.
“May God bless you, always dear
for what it is you’re doing here.”
and with a pen and shaking hand
I signed those papers on that stand.
I only pray someday you’ll know
how very much I love you so.
A birth mom’s feelings.
© Merrie Maurer, 1978