A Mother’s Piece of Life

A woman--both an adoptee and a birth mother--shares her unique perspective.

I’m going to begin by thanking whoever is taking the time to read about a piece of my life.

My name is Byina Shavon Jimenez. I was born in San Diego, CA on November 14th, 1983 to a woman who, I’m assuming, just couldn’t care for me as she wanted, and who chose a mother and father to do what she couldn’t do.

The wonderful people she picked were my mommy and daddy. I never wanted for anything, not only material items but all the things a child needs: hugs, kisses, advice, friendship, guidance, stability, punishment. I’m pretty sure my birth mother couldn’t do all that for me so she made the toughest most unselfish decision because that’s how much she loved me…I think that’s why…I hope that’s why.

Hopefully one day I’ll have a chance to ask her. You see, I’m 27 years of age and have no idea who the heck I came from.

It’s an indescribable feeling that can’t possibly be put in to words. My adoptive parents gave me the world, never making it obvious that I wasn’t theirs even though I am African-American, my dad is Mexican, and my mom is white.  I had a mommy and daddy, but I still felt like a little piece of me was missing. It’s the not knowing that has affected me. The void remains and I’ve tried alternate ways to get that void filled….none worked.

Not wanting to hurt my adoptive parents, I didn’t ask for the information I lacked. Now they have both passed away and here I sit with unanswered questions. I have tried to get information about my biological mother with no luck; the search process is everything but easy. It’s time-consuming, it’s emotionally tough, it’s discouraging, it’s lonely, and it’s long.

I’m a firm believer in the concept that all things that are meant to happen will happen no matter what. So if I am meant to know more about my birth mother then that day will come when that day is supposed to. God knows better than I so I gave the situation to him!

On September 29th, 2006 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. In the labor and delivery room with me while I pushed was the mommy and daddy that I had hand-picked to give my daughter all that she’ll ever need, and to love her as she’s their own no matter what. I can say I chose well!

I chose an open adoption which consisted of frequent visits, photos, and having the privilege of going to my daughter’s doctor appointments when I choose. It has allowed me to know her, and most importantly she knows me. She has been in my arms, she’s been able to physically touch me. I’ve sat at the dinner table next to her and held her hand while we prayed, and I’ve drawn and colored pictures with her.

She says, ” BYININA, YOU KNOW WHAT?”

I say, “NO…”

She says, “I USE TO BE IN YOUR TUMMY”

I say, “YEP, YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU SURE WERE.”

Then I’ll smile!

Having an open adoption makes things a little easier. It’s never easy, but I plan on remaining in her life and if perhaps we lose contact I will do anything in my power to stay findable. For example, I will keep records updated with current addresses and telephone numbers.

I know the feeling of being here but not knowing who brought you here. I don’t want her to ever feel that feeling. I know my daughter will have many questions for me to answer or explain. That’s ok with me; it’s going to be my pleasure to provide answers.

I wanted to share a piece of my story because I’ve had the privilege of experiencing adoption from two perspectives. I believe that is why I have a special place in my heart for my birth mother. There’s no anger toward her, no resentments I’m holding on to; honestly, I just want to sit down together and share our stories with each other. I would like to talk about the feelings we experienced, the situation(s) which led to the decision to place for adoption. I bet you we’d tell each other’s story and not even know it.

Written by Byina Jimenez