It was during a meeting at work that I looked down at my phone and saw I had a Facebook message from an unknown person. Sometimes it all begins with a text.
As I started to read it, I realized it was from a lady who grew up with my birth mom.
Having recently put that part of my life to rest, I didn’t get overly excited. Then I came to the following part: “Your birth mother had a baby boy in the 1970′s and gave him up for adoption.”
I must have turned white. I became weak.
I have a biological brother…probably a half brother…but I have a biological sibling.
I could not concentrate throughout the rest of the day at work. My mind was spinning. My birth mother was forty when she had me. All these years, I had wondered if there were others. The adoption agency had told me they did not think there were other children.
I contacted my husband, mom, and dad when I found out the news. My husband thought it was incredible, my dad thought it was interesting, and my mother never responded. I called my mom that night. She said she had read the email but had been out with a friend. She then told me she didn’t understand why this mattered so much; she shared concerns I would become consumed with the search and miss out on precious moments with my family. I told her she does not have to agree with my desire to know my brother–and she can be concerned–but I am a grown woman, making the best decisions for my heart.
Naturally, I want to find him! I do not know much. I do know he was born in the summer months of the early 1970s. He was adopted by a family whose last name starts with a C. He was born in a hospital in New Jersey. I think my only chances of reuniting with him is if he is searching as well. I have started to search the Adoption.com registry, and nothing promising has happened yet. If I do not find him, I need to accept it was not meant to be.
Since my life has been thrown for a loop, and I know how easily searching consumes me, I am going to a counselor. I need to learn how to implement healthy coping strategies so I do not get consumed. Just the thought that I have a biological brother is consuming in itself! It has been thirty-three years, and I never knew.
At night, I sat down with my husband. I decided I was going to be upfront and absolutely honest about my intentions and feelings. So I told him, ” I want to find him.” He said he absolutely understood, and then he told me this:
Slow down. Take time to grasp what has just happened. Take it slow. Take it one day at a time.
So that is where I am at. One day at a time…