Another Chapter Begins

Taking things one day at a time.

Rebecca Tillou June 16, 2014
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It was during a meeting at work that I looked down at my phone and saw I had a Facebook message from an unknown person. Sometimes it all begins with a text.

As I started to read it, I realized it was from a lady who grew up with my birth mom.

Having recently put that part of my life to rest, I didn’t get overly excited. Then I came to the following part:  “Your birth mother had a baby boy in the 1970′s and gave him up for adoption.”

I must have turned white. I became weak. 

I have a biological brother…probably a half brother…but I have a biological sibling.  

I could not concentrate throughout the rest of the day at work. My mind was spinning. My birth mother was forty when she had me. All these years, I had wondered if there were others. The adoption agency had told me they did not think there were other children.

I contacted my husband, mom, and dad when I found out the news. My husband thought it was incredible, my dad thought it was interesting, and my mother never responded. I called my mom that night. She said she had read the email but had been out with a friend. She then told me she didn’t understand why this mattered so much; she shared concerns I would become consumed with the search and miss out on precious moments with my family. I told her she does not have to agree with my desire to know my brother–and she can be concerned–but I am a grown woman, making the best decisions for my heart.

Naturally, I want to find him! I do not know much. I do know he was born in the summer months of the early 1970s. He was adopted by a family whose last name starts with a C. He was born in a hospital in New Jersey. I think my only chances of reuniting with him is if he is searching as well. I have started to search the registry, and nothing promising has happened yet. If I do not find him, I need to accept it was not meant to be.

Since my life has been thrown for a loop, and I know how easily searching consumes me, I am going to a counselor. I need to learn how to implement healthy coping strategies so I do not get consumed. Just the thought that I have a biological brother is consuming in itself! It has been thirty-three years, and I never knew.

At night, I sat down with my husband. I decided I was going to be upfront and absolutely honest about my intentions and feelings. So I told him, ” I want to find him.” He said he absolutely understood, and then he told me this:

Slow down. Take time to grasp what has just happened. Take it slow. Take it one day at a time.

So that is where I am at.  One day at a time…

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Rebecca Tillou

Rebecca was adopted as an infant. She found her birth family in May of 2013 and continues to keep in touch with them. Sadly, her birth mother passed away in 1999. She and her husband live in New York and are the parents of two beautiful little boys, Dominic and Nicolas. They also have a German Shepherd mix named Chester. She was recently diagnosed with FASD at 34 years of age. She is currently working with and to get the word out that there is hope, and that you are never too old to better yourself.

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