I’m Not Perfect: Confessions Of A Mom In An Open Adoption

If you encountered me on a forum in the last decade or so, you may have found me preaching the gospel of open adoption. I am an outspoken proponent of open adoption. Open adoption is hard, says I, but so worth it. I absolutely believe that. But I am not the poster mom for open adoption.

I know one adoption blogger who sends all of her children’s birth moms monthly care packages of photos, children’s artwork, and fun little gifts. That’s not me.

I know one adoption blogger who channeled her passion for open adoption into writing an excellent book on the topic. That’s not me.

I know a mom (who doesn’t blog *gasp*) who is besties with her daughter’s birth mom. That is also not me.

The fact is, I forget things. I forget birthdays. I forget when I last sent pictures. I forget to call. I’m so thankful for Facebook, because I can be friends with my children’s birth family members. That gives me far more chances to interact.

We also live far away from my children’s birth families. We went back to each of my children’s birth states for their adoption finalizations. That was the last time we saw anyone. Flights got expensive, time flew by, and here we are, 11 years later. My son and I are planning a trip to see his birth family next year.

I would love to be the mom who celebrated holidays with her children’s birth families. Who is able to send care packages, cards, and gifts. Once upon a time – before CRPS and children made my brain Swiss cheese – I was the one who sent everyone a birthday card on time. I would shop for little presents year round and stash them away to surprise people. But now, I’m a full-time, working mom of two, and I can be overwhelmed with school schedules, activities, and all the chores that always need to be done.

I absolutely believe that open adoption is the best form of adoption. My children’s birth families are our extended family. I will sing its praises far and wide. I will also wish that I will do better to walk the walk while I talk the talk.