Pandora’s Box

I wanted to discuss my search techniques I am utilizing to look up my biological brother.

One of them is the site I used to try to find my birth mom. In searching for my birth brother, I was given the following information: he was born in Paterson, New Jersey; he was adopted through a private adoption; and he was born in 1970 in the summer months. I also know that he was adopted by a family with a last name that started with C.

So, using the site I used in the past, I went through the alphabet and put each letter down as a first name. I left the last name blank because it won’t take just the letter C, and then I put the city he was born in, the state, and I started with June of 1970 as the month and year. I wrote down every man with a last name that started with a C. I continued to do this with July and then with August. I was going to do 1971 and 1969, but the lady who disclosed I had a brother told me her 81-year-old mother is very with it, and believes the year was 1970.

I now have a list of about 30 men. Now the next step is still up in the air. I have to tread lightly. Unlike my birth mother, who knew she had a daughter, my brother may not even know he is adopted. If he does know, most likely he does not know he has a sister. When I searched for my birth mother, I was more forward in my approach of cold calling people and asking if they were my birth mom. I figured she knew she had a daughter, so I wouldn’t throw her for that much of a loop.

With my brother though, I could call people and say I am your sister… and it could throw him into a tailspin and end with me turning someone’s life upside down. My next plan, I think, is to utilize a social media site and see if I can find a male reflection of myself staring back at me.

I know myself very well.  I know that I will look up phone numbers for the names I have and make phone calls. I already have. I know I am not thinking this through the way I should. I am being selfish. I want answers. Again, like my husband told me, I need to take a step back, take it slowly, and take it one step at a time. Like my hairdresser said, I have opened Pandora’s Box. Well, here is to seeing what is in the box. There is no turning back now.