I absolutely have a perfect open adoption. I do not feel the need to be someone I am not. I also do not feel the need to know everything going on in the life of my child and her family.
My healing process was really hard for the first six months. Those months were spent crying a lot. I saw my birth daughter when she was 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year. Now I usually see her once a year. It is not a set thing–it is just when we both have time.
I am actually thankful for the way our visits are set up.
1. I don’t stress if a visit is postponed or missed.
2. I enjoy every moment I do get with my birth daughter.
3. I can appreciate being busy, stressed out, and unavailable to talk at any given moment.
We talk on Facebook, through text, or Skype when we can. Usually holidays or birthdays. We send pictures and videos of each other. We attend the big life events when we can. We aren’t always good about sending birthday presents or cards. We sometimes forget to say Happy Mother’s Day or Happy Easter. But I am okay with it.
The distance, the intermittent visits and communication. They have helped me heal. My life does not revolve around my birth daughter. I do think of her every single day, but my life does not revolve around my open adoption. If my birth daughter or her parents chose to close the adoption, I would be okay. I would know she is loved and cared for. It would be hard, and it would be sad, but I would understand.
I placed not for me, but for my birth daughter. I do not get mad when promises get broken or postponed, and her parents are the same with me. In truth I believe this is why our relationship is so incredible.
I tell them often we are like an aunt/uncle/cousin relationship. We see each other occasionally, and have so much fun like we were never apart. We love each other fiercely, and when the time comes to say good-bye, it is okay. We hug. We don’t cry, we say “See ya later.” I walk away, and I am okay. My birth daughter knows who I am, she loves me, and she knows I love her. For me, that is enough.