My Choice

I was raped. I didn’t realize that I was pregnant until I was seven months along. With that realization, I felt utterly lost. I knew whatever choice I made would impact the entire future of both me and my baby.

Considering Adoption

Having grown up in the foster care system, I knew that I couldn’t allow the child growing inside me to live the life I’d lived. I thought my only choice was to raise the baby myself until something inside of me seemed to push me toward learning about adoption. As I learned about what would be required of me in order to place the baby, I became very scared. I didn’t want to do it.

On the same day that I found out that I was pregnant, the woman that would be the adoptive mother of my child was told by her doctor to stop trying to get pregnant. For nine long years, she and her husband had undergone a series of techniques, medications, and even surgery to try to get pregnant.

I remember the seemingly unimportant conversation I was having with a coworker on the day that I identified the future mother of my child. I was complaining about health care coverage and confided in this coworker that I was expecting. She casually mentioned that there was another employee within the company who was seeking adoption.

The Choice of an Open Adoption

That employee adopted my child. Our open adoption is working; I am the baby’s godmother and I get to see her and connect with her often. I do feel immense depression at times. Sometimes it’s hard to sleep, eat, or even move. Living with my choice to place that adorable little girl is nearly a daily challenge.

But I do it. I live with it. One day at a time. I am proud of myself for making the difficult choice to place my daughter with an adoptive family, and I believe God played a part in me finding my baby’s family. I love them so much—and they love me. There were many ways my pregnancy could have gone, many different directions my daughter’s life could have taken. I find comfort, even during engulfing moments of sorrow, in knowing that I made the best choice for me and my daughter.