Having completed registration here and nationally, I began ‘The Learning Curve Era’. Consuming information in great gulps helped speed the time a bit, yet just as a curved road requires slower, more careful, driving so does this time of learning. I don’t have much to offer readers in regard to time condensation here. Try to enjoy the view as you go, committing as much as possible to memory and note-taking…and remember, if not navigated properly, you could miss a turn or even go over a cliff. The Learning Curve Era has only one real requirement…that we learn!
One piece of advice I found but did not follow was to ‘clear the slate’. Placing current projects on the shelf is not always feasible when it comes to an occupation, but we can commit to working around them as much as possible. As luxurious as it could be to have nothing else pressing, that is not the way life usually presents itself. Do we, therefore, continue to put our search on the back burner? If you’re anything like me, that just isn’t possible, especially if projects we are involved with don’t have a stopping point in view. Some things just can’t be wiped from the slate.
For me, the decision to press on in spite of a full-plate life was a very good one emotionally. Like many, I have this brain that runs full speed from sun-up to sun-down and beyond. (When I finally do brake, my nose often plows into the dashboard.) Having other focuses didn’t hinder my search but actually helped maintain balance and prevent over-obsession.
I believe the most important thing I learned was how to talk to people during a search. I learned what needed to be done in this arena so well, in fact, that I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I could coach it, though. I’d have to find someone to help who was available when I was ready, able to love me in spite of my nervousness, able to learn and follow directions, and follow wise instincts in a pinch. This person must present themselves steadily with a calm, kind manner.
So what demi-god in my limited range of close and trusted friends could pull this off? Ha! The real God had already made a way. Actually, he had made a man. And twenty-five-plus years earlier, dropped that man squarely into my lap. His name is Jim, and he is my husband. The only question was, would he do it?
Well, the happy ending to that portion of the story is that he did. He did, he did, he did, and how he did! He dove right in, understood the importance of a proper approach on the phone, and played a huge role in the search right to the end. I can hardly wait to tell you how, but before I do, I want to clarify: You do not have to have a husband to pull this off; although, it really helps to have someone who has all the qualities listed above and loves you to boot. If, and I hope I’m truly talking to air here, you find yourself without someone like that, please remain encouraged. You can do this. You can even do it alone. It’s just better the other way, and I do pray you have someone like I had to help.
Before I get far, far ahead of myself, I must tell you how we got to the point of even making those contacts, of knowing who to call and where to call. For each step we took, there was darkness ahead, but like I said in my last post, I did have a “box full of matches”. Still, before calls could be made, I’d have to find a wonderful little item I’d just learned of…“Non-identifying information”. My time of learning seemed to drag by, but in reality, when compared to others’ stories, I guess we were pretty much progressing at warp speed. As we studied our contact ‘how-to’s’, acquisition of this ‘non-identifying information’ treasure landed on the front burner regarding things to be done. It would turn out to be the most time-consuming piece of the puzzle…But once in hand, it was something akin to manna from heaven.
Photo Credit: Flickr
For extra help with the learning curve and searching for your birth family, visit the new adoption information website for adoption training.