Dearest Beth, my daughter’s mother,
How do I even begin? For someone who can usually express herself freely, I find myself unable. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I am enraptured with admiration for the mother you are.
You are an amazing woman. You are so secure in who you are, and your role as Emily’s mother. Rather than fear me, you embrace me. I am not a threat to you, but your friend. You have invited me into your home, into your life, and into your heart.
I know my lips have been silent, but my heart speaks in its own quiet ways. How can I speak when I can’t form the words of love I have for you?
How I Knew Your Were Emily’s Mom
You waited so long for a child. Many nights you prayed. God has answered your prayer. He has answered mine also.
All I wanted was for my child to have a chance. I wanted my baby to have all I did not, so I gave her back to the one she belonged to: The Lord. He placed her in your arms, not I.
I remember the day before I was to place our Emily with you, you and I sat alone in the hospital. You gave me a “circle of love” necklace with Emily’s birthstone on it.
I broke down. I asked you, “How will she know? How will she know how I feel at this moment, how my heart is breaking? How will she know how I love her—and always will?”
You sat on the bed and cried with me. Through your tears you said, “Because I will tell her.” It was then that I knew you were meant to be Emily’s mom. I will never forget your words; I hold them close to my heart.
How I Cope
Too often I feel society is shoving me into a limited version of “birth mother”. It is hard for me to accept that I am a stranger to my daughter when at one time I was all she knew.
I take comfort in knowing that I have your blessing to get to know her and treasure her as you do once she is able to understand.
When you see me on the sidelines, watching from a distance, do not think I am emotionally numb. What you can’t see are the prayers of thankfulness I am sending to God.
To be able to see her is like a gift—a gift I get to open and reopen each time I see her.
What a special little girl she is—to have two mothers praying over her.
Yes, I gave her life, but you gave her the life I could not.
Beth, she may have my smile, but you are the reason behind it. For this, I thank you!
Please, when you hold her close, tell her you love her twice. Once for you, and once for me.
Your Daughter’s Birth Mother,