“If You Wouldn’t Say It About a Boob Job.”

I love this video’s message, which boils down to four simple words:

Think before you speak.

I like to be prepared with an immediate response to people’s questions about adoption, especially when their questions come across as inappropriate.  I agree with Jesse Butterworth– most people don’t mean to be rude, they are just curious about adoption and don’t know what to say, or how to ask.

As an adoptive mom, I’ve been asked all of these questions.  Depending on who is asking, how well I know them, and the intent behind their questions, I usually answer in one of two ways.  As an adoptive parent, I generally try to use these questions to educate people on their adoption language and share our positive adoption story.  If someone asks a question that is clearly rude and makes me feel uncomfortable, I answer it in such a way as to make them feel equally uncomfortable.  (I hate to be embarrassed or uncomfortable.)  Below, I’ll provide you with both of my typical responses for the most common inappropriate remarks I get from people:

Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll for sure get pregnant.  

Where is she from?

Did you adopt because you couldn’t have your own kids?

How much did she cost?

Who is her “real mom”?

She is SO lucky to have you adopt her.

What made you want to adopt?

Again, most people are just curious about how adoption works.  Try to be charitable.  I’m sure we have all asked rude questions without meaning to.