I can only imagine what it would be like to miss out on the chance to meet your biological parent. And I can only imagine because I am not an adoptee; I have relationships with both of my parents. Even though I have never been adopted, I have a special place in my heart for adoptees and the circumstances they may come across. Why do I have such sympathy? Because I am a birth mother.
I can only envision what it would be like to learn that your biological parent has passed away. Specifically, learning he or she has passed before getting the chance to meet. I assume there would be an exhaustive range of different emotions and questions that would be hard to work through. Whether you were extremely eager to meet your biological parent or not, you most likely will have some sort of despair or feeling of loss that you’d need to guide yourself through.
If you had a great desire to meet your biological parent, you probably feel completely devastated that the opportunity is no longer there. It may take a while to grieve, and that is okay. You are allowed as much time as it takes to grieve over not only losing someone you love, but also losing someone you never got a chance to know. Just like any other hard circumstances in our lives, you must keep your head up and simply never give up working through it. No matter how sad or upset you may feel at times, you must commit yourself to feeling better.
If you reach a point of emotional relief, you may even find the energy to investigate your birth family. Maybe you have birth siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents that are still alive. If this is the case, there may be a chance that you could learn about your birth parent through your birth family. You may even find a neighbor or close friend to your biological parent. If you are able to find birth relatives with open arms, the experiences may provide you with peace and relief. You also must remember and stay aware that the situation might not turn out to be what you expect. You also may choose to simply not investigate birth family any further and that is okay, too. What’s most important is your comfortability and your well-being.
You may not feel anything at all after learning your biological parent has passed away without getting an opportunity to meet. Maybe you never even had the desire to connect with your biological parent. If you don’t feel sad, you may question why you don’t feel sad. You may wonder if you’re not allowing yourself to fully process the loss. You may consider your emotional disconnection towards your biological parent in your life to be the reason why you have no emotional reaction to his or her passing.
Regardless of how you may feel, if this situation occurs, don’t try and get through it all alone. Talk to someone about it, whether or not you feel like it’s truly needed. Talk to someone and tell that person how you are feeling. Join the adoption community. Chances are high that you will find someone who has gone through similar experiences and may offer words of advice or encouragement to you. Do not let the devastation overwhelm you, and stay strong in the process.
Your first step in your search and reunion journey is to register in Adoption.com’s Reunion Registry.
