So sad

I am feeling really blue today . . . its all I can do to keep the tears from flowing while I work. I feel as if a combination of adult & child issues are colliding. I feel myself pulling in. I've re-experienced the adult person I used to be - strong, protecting others, articulating carefully, being able to identify issues in the middle of much emotion and steer a course through it all. I used to be a leader. I experience a little of that again - calm, collected, reasonable, knowing how to proceed. At the same time, I think the child parts are in shock. The community around me feels unstable. So much pain in losing that original family and then having that wound re-injured over and over again throughout my life - especially with the loss of some of my church communities. Loss of family, community is a biggy for me. Definitely a trigger-point. I've been triggered and I feel myself starting to shut-down and go into a deep freeze. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to feel. I hurt and I don't want to hurt anymore so I pull way way far away. SCARED, Frightened little girl on the loose!! Hopefully, my calm, reasonable adult part can rein her back in and keep her safe. I don't feel safe right now. I FINALLY found a secure warm place and it feels like I am about to lose that. This is not true, of course, but this is what the child part is experiencing. I am staring to sob and am at work so must stop now.