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Yesterday was an achievement. I didn't think of it too much until later, but it was so much more 'normal' than the tentative steps forward in reunion that it felt as if things are.. um.. like,, normal. So what am I talking about? Now that son's mom is ok about me phoning them at home, I don't overdo it, aiming for maybe once or twice max a month. I have been busy with my new found love, so that has made it easier for me and has been more than welcome and put balance in the reunion, because I feel I'm not panting at the door waiting for son to respond, I'm getting on with my life, so! I phoned son at home yesterday and I got his brother instead. As I was in a calm relaxed mood, I had a little chat with him, said hi! its Janny (not real name) and I was very upbeat and of course, friendliness begats friendliness, so he was cool and so was I. I said I would phone 5pm and then forgot with other stuff, so it was nearly an hour later. Son's mom answers the phone and happily finds our son and he is very pleased indeed that I am now phoning him, 'nice surprise mum'! Yeh, thanks,, how are ya love? Now just 2 days previously I received an email card (the last two failed over the months and he never re-sent them) with quite nice words and music, so I printed it off on photo paper so as if it WAS a card! Hints never work, so I just said, a card in the post would be nice you know!!! sentimental thing that I am, but so is he. I have to say that son sounds a lot more grounded, content, much more balanced. The adult in him is starting to overtake the child that has dominated for much of the reunion, but when it does come out, its great to hear it. The conversation was relaxed and happy and we are all happy all round. My goodness, to think of the blood sweat and tears to get to this place of apparent contentment (which it is!). I think my being able to take the heat off and be distracted emotionally with something else has helped a lot. I have worked through my baggage that reunion brought (through counselling, these forums, Nancy Verrier's two books and my friends) and am now free of it. It helps, as I am together now and even though my son is SAYING that he thinks its great I have found someone to love, I know that inside he is freaking out. So when he says 'if you have any problems with him mum and want to talk' I say, yeh ok, but I know that there is absolutely no way I am going to talk about my relationship with him other than to say its ok, or its not. There is absolutely no way any parent should burden a child, even a grown up one, with their emotional plight. I am strong for my son and now after coming up to 2 years of reunion am definitely the reassuring strong parent that makes HIM feel secure. That is the way it has to be and he is feeling the full strength of that now and I can see it IS making him secure. In the mean time, I am having emotional fufilment with the guy of my... (well I can't say dreams cos I gave up on dreamin'... how sad is that??!!! LOL)... he's cool. I'm really enjoying life now and the reunion is where it should be and son is talking about us meeting up (always talking, but I'm not pushin' - he'll do it when he's ready, I'm not prepared to chase circles after him anymore). He is getting on fine with his grandfather and vice versa and they are talking music and exchanging technical stuff and for once, my father has been outdone by his grandson when it comes to knowing stuff and I can't tell you how much that tickles me pink!!! ha ha!!! or the more modern way of saying it LOL!!!!! So I guess you could say and thanks for following me so far if you have, that our reunion is what my counsellor has been saying all along... a successful one!! Yeh!!! rock on!!! I'm still nervous about meeting son's parents, but I'm sure that will happen, but it has to be when son is ready for it, not me. I'm sure I am and always have been ready for things ahead of my son, but by going at his pace and not mine, I think that has been the key to it. More news, next time.....