This is the second birth mothers day I have celebrated since placing sweet baby R with her family. Today I feel blessed. I received a beautiful bouquet and several photos from the couple I placed with. I feel so lucky to be remembered. I have several friends who received no acknowledgment from the adoptive families, but that's never been a concern of mine. I know I am loved and cared for. I know I will never be forgotten.
But Birth Mothers Day also reminds me of my 'otherness'. It reminds me that I am a childless mother. People will go about their day tomorrow and celebrate mothers.Some would say that I don't count on the official Mothers' Day because I am 'not quite' a mother. I am not raising a child. Today and tomorrow I will not wake up to sloppy toddler kisses. I will not have my child's father there to tell me he thinks I'm the greatest mom ever. My arms will be empty. I will feel the ache a little deeper.
I sympathize so deeply with every mother of an angel baby, with every woman struggling with infertility or hoping to adopt. We long for children to love. Some of us have had a taste of that, holding a sweet baby in our arms for a few hours or days, only to have that feeling slip away.
Yes, my arms are empty. But my heart is full. The ache in my heart is made worth is every time I see my beautiful birth daughter. She is thriving and happy- through open adoption I can see that myself. My tiny baby has grown into a happy, confident toddler. She hs every opportunity I dreamed of for her, thanks to her amazing adoptive family. And thanks to me. She wouldn't have such big blue eyes if it weren't for me. She wouldn't have her nose or smile without me. I kept her safe for nine months, and in placing her ensured that I would not be the only one to love and protect her. I hand picked her the best family I have ever known.
Tomorrow I will rise and smile, and celebrate all kinds of mothers. And I will know in my heart that I am a mother, too.
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Motherhood takes so many shapes. I thought this article, "To the Childless Mother on Mother's Day," was a beautiful tribute to that fact.