One of the most frequently asked questions I get from new birth moms is "Will the grief ever end?" I would like to tell them yes, but it won't. Grief is the price you pay for love. As long as you love your birth child you will grieve. There will be anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance in phases for the rest of your life. The hurt in your grief will spread out and become more infrequent, but it will still come.
Some days you won't expect it. I thought I was doing really well as far as coping with my adoption, and I hadn't hurt about it for a long time. I can see photos of her and smile because I'm so proud of her and the choice I made. I can visit her and love her and go home happy. But then yesterday I saw a photo of my birth daughter and the pain hit me like a brick again. I can't tell you why, but instantly I doubled over in pain because it hurt so much to not have her. She's two years old but she'll always be my baby. All I could do for a solid hour was cry and say "I want my baby.... I miss my baby".
But it passed. I got through it. Today I am okay. I can push through the pain and refocus on the joy in my adoption. No, the grief will never end. But you learn to manage it. You learn to gain more joy than pain. You learn to soldier through because you're birth mom strong.
I have a new respect for the women that take on the role of birth mom. They are incredibly strong for taking on grief like this for the rest of their lives.