My motto since I had baby R is "I am birth mom strong". Placing her was truly the hardest thing I have ever done, and likely the hardest thing I will ever do (knock on wood). That experience was, in a way, a crucible. It shattered me. And then it built me, refined me, made me the person I am today.
Every time something hard comes up I remind myself that I am birth mom strong. Today I was about to take off on the long road trip back to college, and my car broke down. It's not going to recover. I have to be at school in a few days and I have no idea how I'm going to do it. There's no way I can pay for this right now. I stressed and I cried and I worried... but then I remembered that I am birth mom strong.
The trials I am going through right now pale in comparison to what I've already been through. I was pregnant and young and I didn't know what to do but I figured it out. This doesn't hurt nearly as much as that did. It was hard and still is, but I managed. Because of that experience, I am a better woman. I am tough, and I always find a way.
Being a birth mother gives me comfort. I am more secure in myself because I know I can do hard things. I hold myself to higher standards. I try to accept hardships head on with grace, because I want my birth daughter to know that she can do hard things, too. I hope that one day she wants to be like me. I won't let her down. I can't always be strong for myself, but I can be strong for her.
It's amazing how much sunshine one little child can bring so many people. I know she motivates me to be strong, and I know she motivates her parents to be the very best they can be. Such a special little girl deserves all the love in the world, and she deserves people who try their very hardest to make her happy. Even on hard days like this, even when I haven't seen her, to know she is out there being well loved and cared for gives me strength. I will see her again soon. I will be birth mom strong. For her.
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