I am an adoptee. I am completely supportive of adoption. Every person and every situation is different. I may not understand the reasons one decides to place a child for adoption, but I always support the decision. I could never place a child. I am selfish when it comes to my kids. I was not in a good position financially when I had either of them. I have never been able to give them all the things that they asked for or take them all the places they wanted to go. That aside, I have always felt I am the best person to raise them. I don't feel like anyone can love them, take care of them, or protect them the way I can because I am their mother.
I recognize that is not always the case. I respect other people's choices not to parent. Despite my feelings as a mother I believe there is a tremendous amount of strength on adoption. The thought of taking a person who was physically attached to me for nine months and passing them to someone else is unbearable to me. In that position, that act would break me. It would end me. There would be no way to repair the shattered pieces of my former self. For those in open adoption, to see that child again and again would be like a knife stabbing me in the chest with every breath. I don't know where you find the strength, but I'm glad you do.
For the parents who adopt, it must take great courage and confidence to raise a child who starts off as a stranger to you. I don't even like other people's children that much. I can't imagine moving one in and giving him or her the same love and affection as a biological child. Yet I know that you do because I was that child. It's not a charade or facade. It's real because I felt it.
In recent years I have read too many stories of adoption wrapped in trauma and loss. What we need more of are tales of everyday people sporting invisible capes. I see you. No, adoptees should not be obligated to "give thanks" to their adoptive parents. They should feel thankful though. Adoption shouldn't be about sadness or emotional injuries. Adoption is about love and life and family.
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Annaleece Merrill
Placing a baby for adoption did break me. It ended me. And I will never be who I used to be. As much as I would like to be brave and say that being shattered has made me a better, stronger person, it shattered me nonetheless. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and even looking back now I don'...
AF
I absolutely respect that! I watched a video about a birth mother's story. I may have posted it a while back. They were in an open adoption. I bawled like a baby. I don't see how anyone ever recovers from that. My birth mom sort of blocked the whole out. I get that. I don't see how you face it and s...
AF
In case you want to cry like a baby, it's this one. https://adoption.com/videos/play/94261/
Annaleece Merrill
Great video. It's so interesting how different people process that grief. Some days it's exactly like you described- just reliving placement and the separation all over again. But other days it's different because I know it's not a goodbye forever. The other day my birth daughter gave me a big hug a...
Bethany Reed
: : Hello. Just wanted to say I am so moved & appreciate hearing both of your stories from both birth mother and adopted perspectives. I am still learning so much about this whole process being both first time parent and first time adopting ... (especially the added layer of adoption through foster...
AF
Hi!! I'm glad our stories help. That's why we are here. I think of adoption very much as a process and not an event. It's good to have people who can understand what you going through. It's also good to have a place to ask questions and vent.