I recently wrote an article about how I don't believe in adoption trauma.
Now everybody in my adoption groups is up in arms. I was clear that my heart goes out to people who have suffered physical and emotional abuses, but those things are not exclusive of adopted families. First of all, parents not connecting with their children, playing favorites with kids, not watching their kids, not taking care of their kids, those are just sucks parents. Those things happen in biological families as well. It's like people have this image of what a family is suppose to be. No family is perfect. Some just hide it better than others.
There are actually adoptees out there who hate adoption. They liken it to slavery. I don't understand that at all. What are the alternatives to adoption? You can be raised by someone who isn't ready or able to parent or you can be aborted. Those don't seem like good options to me. Is adoption perfect? Of course not. There is not one thing that was meant for good that isn't being used in a negative way by someone. That's just the world we live in. I personally believe there is way more good than harm being done everyday through adoption.
Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am jaded and so anti-victim that I can't see it. My adopted little sister got a raw deal. I did too to some extent. I chose to rise above and take care of myself. I chose solutions rather than excuses. She wallowed in her pity. She never learned how to take charge of her own life, and I never forgave her for that. I knew that I was in charge of my destiny and so what if things hadn't gone perfectly. I could change it, fix it. That's what I did, and I didn't look back.
I think the anti-victim thing might be a biological trait. I thought it was a defense mechanism until a couple of days ago. Hundreds of thousands of women were posting "Me too" on Facebook if they had been victims of sexual assault. Even though I have been a victim of sexual assault, I chose not too participate. It wasn't until later the next day that I thought about why I hadn't posted. For some reason unknown to me I have an innate refusal to become a victim. I cannot portray myself that way. The events of my past are not who I am. I am a compilation of my reactions and lessons learned from those situations.
From the very first time I read someone's adoption victim story, I have thought about this. Sometime people just get a raw deal. That happens in biological families as well as those touched by adoption. You can see around and cry about it, which accomplishes nothings but a large therapy bill or you can get up and refuse to be like them. Start your own family and be determined to be great at it. We don't become greater by sitting around talking. We become greater by doing better. If you have a problem with the ethical practices of adoption in an area, get involved. Be the change.