Adopting can be incredibly rewarding if you’re looking to provide a loving forever home for a child who needs a family. But the process comes with its own set of challenges. It’s easy to understand the frustration many prospective parents feel. Still, it’s important to stay focused on what’s most important when adopting—making sure you are prepared to provide a stable, supportive, and nurturing place for a child who is going to need you.
Building a strong, supportive, and loving relationship with your child will be a lifetime commitment not to be taken lightly. It’s the ultimate parenting challenge and worth every ounce of energy you’re prepared to pour in.
That said, here are some of the most common challenges adoptive families say they face including emotional, social, legal, medical, and financial challenges along with some advice on how to navigate them.
1. Emotional Challenges
Adopting a child can feel unpredictable—full of highs and lows throughout the process. You’ll face periods of waiting, lots of uncertainty, and possible disappointment. You’ll also experience moments of joy and excitement. It’s important to acknowledge that the adoption process is not an easy thing and to be prepared for these emotional ups and downs. It’s okay to look for support when needed—this may include therapy, support groups, or even just talking to close friends and family.
One of the biggest emotional challenges in adoption is the waiting period. Depending on the type of adoption, the process can take several months or even years. In some cases, it can feel endless. It’s not surprising that this can be a difficult and stressful time for families. It’s important for you to have a support system in place to help manage your emotions.
Fear of rejection is another challenge some adoptive parents may think about. Worrying that your child will not bond with you or may not accept you as their parent is a scary thought—especially when your main goal is to become a parent for a child who needs one. Wondering whether or not you can fill that void is understandable. Adopting is not a simple process–physically or emotionally. Be patient and understand that building a relationship with an adoptee may take time. It’s also important to know that if you do notice issues, it’s okay to work with your child’s social worker, doctor, or therapist if needed.
Becoming an adoptive parent also requires you to understand that your child is going to come with their own set of worries, fears, and emotional challenges. It’s up to you to be their source of support. Recognizing adoptee trauma is always recommended as most adoptees will experience feelings of sadness, loss, and even rejection at some point in their lives. No matter your child’s story before they came to be in your life, it’s up to you to help them to work through these feelings and to help them to process their emotions, develop coping skills, and work toward building healthy relationships (with you and others).
2. Social challenges
Yes, it’s 2023 and adoption is way more understood than it used to be even 20 years ago; however, adoptive families may still face social stigma or discrimination, especially if the child is of a different race or ethnicity. Sadly, but realistically, it’s important to be prepared for these challenges and to educate yourself and your immediate community (family and friends) about adoption and diversity. Surrounding yourself with supportive people will feel incredibly helpful.
One of the most important ways to address social challenges in adoption is to be proactive about educating others. While it’s not your job to teach everyone you know about adoption, recognizing their ignorance on the topic is the first step to supporting your child by helping others to become aware. This may involve sharing your story (at least parts of it that aren’t personal to your child) with friends and family, participating in adoption advocacy and support groups, or speaking with your child’s resources (doctors, educators, coaches).
Making others aware of what adoption looks like beyond the Hallmark movies they may see can help to reduce the adoption myths many people have come to accept as truth. Another way to address social challenges is to reach out to other adoptive families. This can provide a sense of community and help you and, more importantly, your child to feel a sense of belonging. There are a lot of online forums and support groups for adoptive families, as well as local adoption agencies that offer support and resources when adopting.
3. Legal challenges
Adopting a child involves navigating a complex legal process. Unless you’ve got the support and guidance of someone familiar with it, it can feel downright scary. Depending on the country and type of adoption, there may be different requirements and regulations you’ll need to follow. This is why It’s important to work with an experienced adoption agency or an attorney who can help guide you through the process and make sure all legal requirements are met.
Always do your research and work with a trustworthy and knowledgeable adoption professional who can help you understand your rights and obligations when adopting.
4. Medical challenges
Your adopted child may have medical or developmental needs that will require extra attention and care. It’s important to research the medical history of the child and to work with a pediatrician or medical specialist who has experience in caring for adopted children to make sure they receive the attention they need. Know that not every doctor has experience with adoptees. Depending on the country of origin, an adopted child may be more likely to have certain conditions or to have been exposed to diseases that aren’t common in the United States.
You may also need to navigate the medical and mental health needs of your child as they grow and develop. Make yourself aware of the resources available for children with special needs including therapy, counseling, and educational services. You also may need to work closely with your child’s school or daycare to ensure specific needs are being met. Don’t assume the school or a teacher will understand adoption and what it means for a child working through mental health issues related to their adoption.
Your child may also have unique developmental needs. It’s common for adoptees who have experienced trauma or separation from their birth families to have emotional or behavioral issues that require extra attention and care. Working with a therapist or social worker who has experience in working with adopted children can help to address developmental challenges.
5. Financial challenges
While it’s not a popular topic, the financial challenges that come with adoption are real. The cost of adoption varies widely depending on the country of origin, type of adoption, and agency fees. Adopting a child can be expensive no matter the path you choose to take. This can be a major barrier for many families, especially those with lower incomes.
It’s important to do your research and understand the costs associated with adoption. You should plan to explore any available financial assistance options including grants, loans, and adoption-related tax credits. In addition to the direct costs of adoption, families may also incur additional expenses related to travel, medical care, and legal fees. It’s also important to note that raising a child isn’t cheap. Keep in mind that while the adoption process may end, becoming an adoptive family is a lifetime commitment.
Understanding and making your way through the challenges of adoption can feel like a complex and emotional process. With the right combination of support and resources, becoming a parent through adoption can feel joyful and fulfilling watching your child develop into a unique and well-adjusted person. It’s important to be prepared for the challenges that may arise and to look for support when needed when adopting. By recognizing the potential challenges of adoption and being prepared, you can provide a beautiful home for a child who needs one.
