Child of Me

I have loved you from the time
you were but a twinkle in our eyes,
& I’ll love you, child of me,
’til my body’s last breath dies.

I want to hold you & shout out loud,
“This is my daughter! I’m so very proud.”
Her beauty & talent my life doth adorn;
I love this young woman, my first child born.

But I was helpless & defeated when I was young,
& so those words have gone unsung.
They told me lies, sweet child of me.
They said I couldn’t care for thee.
They said you’d be better off away.
They said I’d understand someday.
They said I had no other choice.
They wouln’t let my hopes have voice.

So sixteen years have passed away,
But rarely, sweetheart, without a day
when I said to myself, “Where is she now?”
and “How will she ever know about
me & my love for her alone,
& that my heart’s not made of stone.
That I’ve cried an ocean & my pain is great
& not knowing her is my lifes one hate”

Forgive me dear, my han for me & my arms
open wide.
My maiden name was Stewart, my love.
Your father’s name is Shrader.
Together in the face of adversity
We planned your birth so we could marry, you see.

But his parents, who claimed to be wiser than we,
would not give permission for the marriage to be.
So I accepted my lot & responsibility,
but have prayed that finding you God’s will would
be.

I know you have at least three brothers
But I’m unaware of any sibling others.
One of your brothers, Jason’s his name,
has a love for you, intense, without shame.
He & I have vowed together
to look for you if it takes forever.

© 1984 Linda Webb