When you place a child, it changes you forever. I am reminded of the saying, “Having a baby changes everything.” And boy, do they mean everything. As I look introspectively in this season, watching trees’ leaves fall and the colors change, I realize I have changed, and even better, I am changing.
I used to have unhealthy relationships, and breaking away from them is very difficult. In the end, though, I am better off. I have learned several things because of adoption:
- Choose your partner with the same sincerity and desire (the best for you) as you chose for your birth son or daughter. You are worth it. Do you know how brave you are (and trust me I am saying this as much to myself as every woman out there) to have gone through and survived, and still stand after choosing the best for your child? Seriously, we deserve a partner that is worthy of us, who we can appreciate and love and have chosen with the same principles we chose our child’s parents.
- We’ve been through something very painful, yet we wake up and are alive. Therefore, depression, stupid arguments, and stupid people have nothing that could shake us. Look again at your bravery, and remember your sorrow, your grief. There are very few circumstances I have found in life that can be greater then that grief. And we made it, or are making it. Which takes me to my third point.
- We are made of stronger stuff than what the rest of the world can hurl at us. Honor your role as a birth parent, and love who you are because no one, no man or woman, no child, nothing (except God but that’s a belief of mine and each holds value in their respective beliefs) will ever love you as much.
There is so much and reason to these three ideas, concepts that have shaped my reality, and there is so much story, some relating to adoption directly, some effected by the ripple in the pond of my life.
In placing Phoenix and freely giving him to Tara (adoptive mom’s name), I entrusted much more then my bio son. I entrusted the future I had dreamt for him and the dreams that would be possible because I loved him that much.
Do I get lonely being single? Sure. I would love for someone to hold me and tell me everything would be alright sometimes, but when I do reach out, my heart gets stamped on. So I have learned to stand on my own two feet and say, “I am strong enough, I am loved by my family and friends, and I am not alone, so I don’t have to fear.”
I know this blog is kind of all over the place, but the idea is this: Adoption doesn’t ever stop affecting your life, but it is your choice as to how you will allow the experiences of being a birth parent that change your life. So, see the glass half-full today because every day is a new day, and each day holds it own issues.
Know that you are loved, and wanted and respected, and be blessed in all you do. Be strong