Calm down strategies

October 31, 2003

When you saw the title for this thread, did you think strategies for parents? or for kids? ;)

Well the strategies are for the kids ... hopefully we are calm, but it's not always easy to be calm when it's chaotic at home!

Here are some strategies to smooth out those turbulent times:

Offer a choice - rather than yelling demands, say 'Either the name calling stops, or your friend goes home.' or 'Either you put away your crayons or we won't go outside this morning.'

Express your feelings - 'When I hear bickering, I feel frustrated.'

Accept your children's feelings - 'I understand it's difficult to share your toys when your step sister comes to visit ...'

State a rule - rather than 'That hitting must stop or we won't go to the movies' how about 'Hitting is not allowed - after your chores are done, we'll talk about going to a movie.'

Be clear about values - 'Homework is more important than TV. After your homework is finished, you may watch an hour of TV.'

What are some strategies you use to calm the kids down? or yourself?

Nancy

mina2u

October 31, 2003

When my 10 year old has a bad attitude...which is often, I tell her that she has a choice. She can change her attitude, or go to bed early that night becuase obviously she is tired...a bad attitude is the first indicator that my duaghter is tired. She really does not like to go to bed early, so this generaly works for us.

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HappyMomAnna

October 31, 2003

When our five year old was placed she had a history of three-hour long tantrums...... When they started to occur in our home we spent some time in advance of tantrums talking about getting a 'hold' of our 'mad'.... Rather then waiting for the episode to start we taked about it during the calm times.... and we talked about the different things she might try next time she was mad....

Then when it all started to go down hill....I could say very calmly, "do you remember all the ideas we had about getting a hold of your mad? What idea can we try right now?" 1 out of three times she would stop being angry and start thinking about the ideas we had and forget about losing it right then....the other two times she could effectively try one idea and once in awhile she was actually able to verbalize that a certain idea did or didn't work.....

She seemed to feel better knowing that she could think of a way to feel in control, the ideas were hers (or she thought they were) and she had control over picking the ways that worked for her!

We havn't had a full blown tantrum in six-months and everyone is so much happier.......we have als used this method for other behaviors requiring self control!

JuliannaTeresa

October 31, 2003

I use the poker chip method.

Red = Daughter can choose a Dinner Menu!

Blue = One on one time with me without the other Sister!

White = She can pick out an new outfit of clothing.

These are revokable as a consequence.

Also no Caffeine Soda only Sprite, or 7 UP, and rarely these!

Also the Lavender bath soaks in the evening.

nancynic

October 31, 2003

great ideas ~

I know these will be helpful

to all parents ~

thanks so much

let's keep going

and

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !

:cool: :cool: :cool:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

:eek:

sues250

October 31, 2003

Bath time helps. The other big thing was talking about calming techniques ahead of time. I can now calm her down by phone using the close your eyes and deep breath in and out. Big improvement two years ago was 2 hour temper tantrums! Daycare and school can not get her to do it but they will call me so I can calm her down by phone. Hoping we can transfer it to them but for now by phone is okay.

The breathing and eye closing works for me too-lol.