Home Study Denial?

I feel this thread has been very educational and I support all the reasons why one home would better suite a child then another. I have not been a part of the process for determination and have no idea why or what would compell a decision for placement into a home with a single parent or the home of gay parents..... I have the history of loving and knowing a man who spent his life wondering why no one wanted to adopt him......why he was not loveable---why he grew up alone and was sent packing at 18.... The chance to be loved and belong to any family single parent or gay home would have been better then growing up to know he was "no body's boy" For him and all the other children who fall asleep each night suffering in the pain of not having any home to call their own I believe it is awesome there are now homes that could give him the one thing he always needed most---a place to go on Christmas eve, a person to invite to his wedding, a grandparent to share the joy of his becoming a father! Who really cares who that parent is---the fact that one less child might grow to know the joy of being parented is what really matters. To Mrs Cinderella--- It does seem unfair that single people are able to adopt and those of us in a relationship must PROVE it out to be stable....... but, unlike a single parent hosehold there are other things the states need to be sure of..... When they place a child for adoptioon in a single parent home and I believe it is also true in a gay home ONLY ONE ADULT is given custody and finallizes the adoption..... the child is in the care of one and there will never be a custody fight over this child...... With married people it is completely different and both parents are legally adopting If a relationship should eventaully fail then there will be custody issues, weekend visitations, child supoort and all that goes with the children of divorce......cildren of divorced homes often feel it was their fault--or they could have been better children--or they might have been able to stop their parents from divorcing --children of divorce carry bagage and pain no matter how those children joined the family----it would be much more painful to be a child of divorce and a child of adoption....we would have young adilts who not only had to face the adoption issues, but also the issues of divorce. In a sigle parent household there are no issues of custody and in a gay home if there were a seperation there would be no claim from the partner who was not the legal parent.....thus it is assumed those children will not face the implications divorce brings into their lives. This is why a marriage must be solid and proven by the test of time. It would be horrible for the child to also face divorce... and that is why so much is placed on the relationship time---In truth two-years is little time to even see if a marriage will last but, it is a start and adoption is all about what is good for the child. Be 100% open with the caseworker who does your homestudy. Most everything will come out--about the only thing our caseworker does not know is the color of my panties! And if he asked I would let him know! (I would probably call his supervisor however, as my panty color is really not important to being a mother and an odd question for any man to ask!) Our homestudy brought out things I never even remembered about my life...and the only way to be accurate is to tell only the truth......there is nothing worse then a lie being uncovered in the process of a homestudy--A lie would set you back more then any other issue of your life..... In a court of law if a party is cought in one lie every word they say can also be considered as a lie..... omitting information is deemed a lie by the law..... and adoptin is a legal process so nothing can be gained with dishonesty. Adoption takes a long time.....we started our process two weeks after our wedding and by the time we were being considered as a placement our marriage was over two years in time...... And, in fact that was the single reason the choice to place our children with us was questioned the most.....the one and only concern the decision makers had was the time we were married. Thankfully we were able to show streangth and stability by our life before our marriage and by the kind of marriage we had. Good luck in your journey and keep asking questions....

Thanks for your reply! True about "male invert", it was really a word coined by Karl Westphal around the mid 1800's. The last place I saw this term used was during a description of the MMPI and what they "hope" to discover by the answers. I still see this term everywhere. It is highly used in the diagnosis of transsexuality, however (and don't bring in the BZT Study from Nature, 1995, I spent 3 months disproving that research a few years ago!) The newer term for homosexuality and transexuality that I have seen is PSDD-5 and PSDD-8. Psychosexual Developmental Delay, age 5 (transsexualism) and age 8 (homosexualism). I think psychiatry is moving away from the idea these sexual psychosis are a result of a genetic disorientation and more of an emotional developmental disorientation. For example, the person I just replied to (elephan99) mentioned his "partner" was sexually abused as a child. The "current trend" is to consider what happens when a traumatic (not always sexual) event occurs to a young child and how that effects them in later years. The thought, from what I understand, is they stop developing psychosexually. The transsexual stops developing around the age of 5, they do not learn to disassociate their "want" to be like their primary caregiver (mom for boys, dad for girls... and yes, I know this is very Freudian with the penis envy, etc. stages he describes). For homosexuals, the identity change phase, ie when the child learns they are indeed a different sex, happens normally but the reciprocal emotional atttachment does not change as it should. This is also thought to be caused by a traumatic event around that age. As mentioned above with elephan99s ғpartner, could it be that, perhaps, his sexuality stopped developing at that young age and as an adult he can only relate sexual excitement based upon his prior, traumatic experience? A lot of evidence points to this, but it is still inconclusive IԒll admit. Everyone wants to explain things by way of dissecting rats. Were too complex for that, I believe. Finally... I don't want to be labeled a homosexual, nor would I want to be labeled a heterosexual "studmeister" either. I'm just middle of the road. But hey, I'm just an 8th grade highschool drop out so what the hell do I know?? B

Then you only need to change "male" to "female." Same principals apply. Bryan

And what's wrong with a guy wanting to know your pantie color? :-) Okay, sorry.. that was out of line haha I agree, they dig up everything. Nothing is hidden. ALL IS KNOWN. Hell, they probably just did an internet search... with all the personal information you can find out today just by going online. I agree with the issue of placing children, even with homosexuals. Being in a place where a child knows they do not have to move from is very, very, very important. I can concede on this issue. I also feel placing a child in a single parent, gay or not, home is not always the best of solutions unless their is a specific issue. The boys I am trying to get have a specific issue, so therefore they would be best in a single male home. I'm hoping and praying to be that home. I took my MMPI today. Talk about a dumb test. And I was worried? I felt like asking for my $10 cofee back!! :-) Will the cheese be on my cracker? I'll have to wait till Friday to get the answer... B

Yes! I too, agree with the parent custody thing HOWEVER! we will be married BEFORE we even make it to the homestudy or at least get half way through it!!! Classes dont start for training until January and we're married April 3rd. Whats the big deal! An agency I spoke to today said there is no limit on how long your married for.. so why not just allow me to go on the papers. I have to go through all the training and all even if I didnt want to..The agency requires it....

Most agencies require the adoption classes. Are you going to AAFC for the classes? The primarily purpose of the class is the scare the living bejezus out of you so you run out of the system screaming bloody murder. Don't buy into it. They will also tell you "you will get a kid, site unseen." Not true. The only thing to really pay attention to is the various symdromes and problems childen have... learn what you can and can't handle. When you child search begins, this knowledge will come handy. If you get a child placed with a specific problem [adhd, drug exposure, etc.], you can take foster parenting classes where they teach foster parents how to parent those kinds of children. Those classes are free as well. Bryan

For an educated person, you lack any talent in being coy. What is "extreme" about my attitude? Be specific when you answer, and make sure you QUOTE from my mailings here. Without that, don't bother replying. If you are speaking on behalf of a homosexual and dislike the fact that I retain religous Christian morals (and you obviously don't), too bad, learn to deal with it. It's a free country. Thank GOD for that. And if you are Christian, read Romans I, Corinthians I or Leviticus. You'll find your answers to the sexual morality question in all three books. Good luck. B

I adopted a newborn son several years ago from an out of state agency which was willing to work with singles. It is really harder for single men to adopt. Initially, I did register with one agency that required that I have a psychological evaluation with the MMPI. The psychologist also balantly asked me if I was gay because I was older had never married. At the time, I was so taken aback that I was surprised that I responded something sensible like I had not met the right person yet. Just because I had not married did not mean that I was gay. I really did feel that I was being invaded. After a few months, I did not even remember the foolishness. I had not thought about it until I read your post. However, I have met the right person and when we do marry, he will do a step-parent adoption. I am planning to adopt again and hopefully we could do both children at the same time. Then we will have all the same issues, rights, etc that any married couple would have. BTW--I think that it is really COOL that men are self-sufficient and independent with children. You have much to offer in a relationship both as an adoptive parent and with a potential spouse.

Thanks for the reply, Georgiagirl! I feel that you don't need to feel "feminine" to be a single parent. That's where I get a lot of people confused-- apparantly the stigmatism in this country is that women are parents, men are just background fodder. I don't understand that. I mean, it may hold true in some subcultures of our society, but not as a whole. I personally wouldn't want a young toddler or infant-- I think somethings ARE better left to a woman to handle (sorry, but I believe the sexes are different in this respect). But older kids, pre-teens to teens are those that I feel I can help the most, and could bond to the best. Essentially, if I wanted an infant, I'd get married :-) The gay thing will always remain an issue. I'm very offended by it. (gee, I wonder if homos get offended when people assume they are normal??). Anyway... B

I forgot I used to be a poster here. AKA MrsCinderella A lot has changes since I last posted! I posted this in another thread because I'm not sure where others are reading these days :) We did our training classes last year. Got to the last class when we found out we had to be married for one year. Forget that we've been together for 7 and living together for 6 lol Well, our wedding was one week after our last training class, so here we are... waiting! We're starting our home study soon. How long does the home study take after you fill out the paper work? Does anyone have a list of everything that needs to be done to a home to child proof it? We're doing foster -adopt and are looking to adopt a 2 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. Any help would be great! I'm really concerned about the medication I am on. I've been on it for almost 2 years. I went to the doc 3 days ago and she's uping my dosage because of my anxiety which is caused from ADHD but the meds I'm on is more known for depression. Efexor, trazadone, and Lorazapam are the ones Im on. I'm a very energetic person and its hard for me to slow down. lol not a bad thing at all! Can this be faulted ? Who does the pysch tests for us whom have been in foster care.

Wow! The past two months a lot has happened. In short, we're certified and were not asked for anything from counselors or an evalauation :) We passed!

As an update [a few years later] to my assertion about homosexuality, the APA has announced today that they are no longer holding to homosexuality being a genetic trait, that there is no such thing as the "gay gene". See story: [url=http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=528376]APA revises 'gay gene' theory (OneNewsNow.com)[/url] Next, the APA will be placing homosexuality BACK into the DSM IV to regain their credibility (which they lost because the organization's DSManual is more politically driven than scientifically driven). Bryan

I wanted to give an update to this thread. I'm also known as MrsCinderella above. Its been 5 years and CPS has allowed me, a past foster child and a father who committed suicide. We've had much success with no extra tests.

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