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Hi
I was adopted as a baby and I was told I was adopted when I was very young
(I don't recall ever not knowing I was adopted)
I have always been told by my mom that I'm special and that I was very much wanted but I nonetheless I have struggled with low self-esteem my whole life
I am now 34 and am thinking about starting a family of my own but am concerned about all my emotional issues
(depression and anxiety)
I have a great husband but I just feel I need to talk to someone who knows what it's like
I have not looked for my b-mom and am not sure if I should
I always hoped I'd be happy and together before I made any decision to search
Does any of what I'm describing ring a bell or three?
Hi Mel
I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from anxiety depression etc...
I hope things are looking up for you
I'm going through a tough time at the moment because I'm losing my job in January and really don't know what direction to take next. No confidence to decide what I want
no sense of where I might fit in
Anyway, the past month since I found out has prompted me to do a lot of soul searching. I'm not sure if it helps but I'm not sure what else to do
I hope my e-mail isn't too haeavy
Do you have anything that helps when your feeling low?
look forward to hearing from you again
thanks for writing
Marijke
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I too am an adult adoptee. I have carried a lot of hurt around in my heart for years. I now have 2 awesome kids of my own. My first blood family that I know. They are the ones who gave me great strength. I went from having a lot of personal issues to now being happy, owning my own business, living a great life. My adoption actually motivated me to be a great mom and provide a great life. Some people are going to get mad at my next statement, but it's how I feel. I basically had to prove that giving your child up so that they can have a better life is a bunch of crap! You as a mother have to pull it together and give your children the life they deserve. Don't let the pain from adoption stop you from having the family that you deserve. Your birthmother lost out on your love...don't do the same to yourself. Have the kids, you deserve to feel the bond that you have never had!
I, also, have known all my life that I've been adopted (thank goodness that my aparents decided not to keep it a secret!)
I've always been a soul-searcher, and I think a lot of it has to do with being adopted. Being adopted, I never had a solid, confident sense of self. Don't get me wrong, part of that is because that's just human nature. But my personality is very different than anyone else in my afamily. I've struggled with what is truly "me" (inherited) and what is something I picked up or learned from my afamily. Especially career-wise.
I think people who aren't adopted don't really realize that just by knowing who their family is and it's background, they have a better understanding of self (They might not like it, but at least they know who they are where they come from!)
I've been searching for my ** for awhile, and during the search I found out my birth name. Just knowing my birthname made me feel like I found a part of myself I never knew. It was like finding a box with pieces of me way back in the corner of the attic that I never knew exisited. I think I gained a little more self confidence from it. I definately feel like I have better sense of self, and it has given me the strength to keep digging!
Hey Everyone,
I'm also adopted. I was told as a child also about being adopted.
I'd love to meet others who are adopted just like me. We may share the same feelings with each other.
Unidentified~ I know what you're going through also. I understand I feel the same way about the searching part. I'm still deciding after all this time, if I'd like to search, it's a hard decision I think to make. I think you have to give it time, although on somedays I've wanted to search for them all of the sudden without a second thought and other days I think "Should I search"?. I think the timing thing is different for every adoptee.
I too am 34 with a similar story - except for the relationship part! I found my birthmother almost a year ago and it has been great, but I have concerns about you wanting to search and have children. You won't know if a reunion will help your issues until you are in it, and even then it will take a long time. It is the rollercoaster ride everyone says it is and you may end up putting off having children for years while you sort it out.
One of the strongest reactions I have had is seeing a part of myself reflected in another human being for the first time in my life. It is extremely powerful, but you will have this with your children if you have them.
You are talking about two decisions both of which will change your life forever, I guess it is a matter of which one you want more.
Good luck.
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I found out long after I had my kids, But in some ways they helped me stay grounded. I didn't know where my feelings were coming from, depressed, who's gonna leave now, all those things, my kids are 13 and 15, I just found out 5 months ago. I told them after I told my husband...for me it helped. I think having the kids helps us all. Being adpoted won't have changed this for me, We wanted kids so we had them.
I too am adopted. It does get flustrating because you have no name or not much to go with. I was born on dec 20 1962 in New York state and now I live in PA . I would like to find my birth mother or family but I am lost on where to began because I dont know too much info about her . Does anyone have any hints? I am here if anyone wants to chat. Take care.
WOW! Reading your story sounds like mine. I am 34 and I was adopted and have always known , I never remember being told. My amother always said that I was special and that I was "chosen" and that my bmother gave me up because she wanted a better life for me than she knew that she could provide. I believed that my amother loved me as though I was her own biological child. All the love in the world could never begin to fill the hole in my heart, the feeling of being incomplete, until that is that I had children of my own. Don't get me wrong, I am still curious about my family background, but since I have had children of my own, finding out is just a little less important, it has been put on the back burner, for me any way. I started to search when I was about 16, reading anything that I could get my hands on, searching, making calls, asking anyone for help. By the age of 20, I had a set of twins (boy & girl-now 13). My amother suggested adoption since I was unwed and to her this was "unholy" and I knew that she was disappointed but I could never have given them up. Having children of my own gave me mixed feelings about my bmother that I hadn't had before. I have always felt that giving me up for adoption was a choice that she made and have never felt anger toward her, however I am confused and don't understand how a mother could give her child up, not knowing if they would be taken care of and most of all loved. How could a mother do that? It was beyond me. I guess my point in wanting to share this with you this that for me, having children of my own (oh, and I also have a 2 1/2 year old little girl) has made me feel more complete than ever in my life before. They give me so much more to focus on and have healed some of the hurt. I have these three little people in my life that are my family, we all have the same blood that runs through us. They are part of me and I am so glad that I can say I have a family of my own. I just joined this forum so I am new to this. I read your post and wanted you to know you are not alone. All though my story differs a little, it seems so familiar to me. I was touched by your story. Think about starting a family, I don't know if you have received advice not to, but know that there is some one out there with a story like yours, except I have children and don't regret it one bit, in fact, they have been my saving grace. Please email me if you like.
Good Luck to you and Best Wishes~
Monika
Hi Monica, yes you have a very intersting story. Are you from or do you live in New York ? That would be something to give up twins. I feel bad for you. I am also new to this message board. It has alot of interseting posts some are helpful. You can email me privately if you want too. Thanks for responding. Take care
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PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR ME, I don't...The roads that we travel in life build character and there have been many roads. I can relate to other adoptees and the need and desire to search, however the older I get, the less the desire. I have requested papers for non-identifying information and honestly, that may be enough for me. The thought of rejection scares me, suppose my birth mother has never told her family now that she had a child years ago? I don't want to be the skelton that comes popping out of the closet. In essence, I respect her decision, even though it has left and empty feeling, however I found so much fulfillment in my own children and through them have found inner peace. I am feeling that if my birth family wants to find me I am here.
I am not from New York, I was born in Seattle, Washington and currently reside in Kansas City, Missouri.
Take Care.
Monika
Monica, yes I have many many questions too about rejection and even if my birth mother is still living . How did you file for a non ID I have heard them talking about this but never knew how to go about it.I also want to find out my ** for medical reasons because I have alot of bone trouble I have osteo arthritis I have had 2 right hip replacement s and I also have arthritis in my knees too. So i should really persue it for these reasons . What about you do you have any specific reason to find your ** ? It is a scarey fealing even talking about all this if you know what I mean? You can email me at pnut15767@yahoo.com and we can probally talk more privately if you want? Take care
Thesearchguru has posted helpful searching information for each state and many countries. If you click on the "Search" link at the top of the page and then type in "Search Resources for ( applicable state or country)" it will take you to a menu of threads. Scroll down to find what thesearchguru has posted for the area you're interested in.
This will hopefully give some of you a starting place. It usually includes how to get the non id information.
Best of luck! :)
I too was adopted and have also always known I was since I can remember. I was told I was "chosen" and was very special but that also didn't help me stop from feeling depressed and having low self-esteem. I am almost 31 and have a 3 year-old son, a connection I cherish because he is my first real blood connection that I have ever known and it feels wonderful; knowing I can look in his eyes and he looks like me! I chose to try and search for my birthparents since I was 18 and I finally found my birthmom 4 months ago and it has been great!!! I now have pictures of her and my birthdad and other birth family members and the resemblence is uncanny. Plus, I found out some very important health issues that have been vital to me. And finding my birthmom has filled an empty hole in my heart that I swore I had to fulfill before I died someday. Unfortunately we have not met face-to-face because she is very ill and we live on opposite sides of the US but I hope one day we will. And it turns out that I have an aunt who lives 20 minutes from me!
I would love to chat with you or anyone with the same feelings of being an adoptee because it sounds like we all have a lot of emotional issues in common.
Good luck in the future and with your choices and I hope to chat with you one day.
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I too have know forever that I was adopted, and I suffered from all the same things you all have, low self esteem, low self worth, didn't know who I was, I turned to drugs to feel like I fit in somewhere, and by doing so I lost my own two daughters to the state, I have recently found them but can't have contact yet because the youngest one is still a minor, but it seems common that we all feel so different and so low about ourselves, I am 39 years old now and I still deal with all the above except the drugs, I know can't hide behind what I could at that time stick up my nose, and its harder and there are days I'm not sure I can or want to go on living, but I know in my heart I (we all are) am a good person and I do have alot to offer, and I have to remind myself of that every day....................you can email me @ dianam50316@hotmail.com if you would like..............dianam