Letter To Daughter

Hi - I adopted two boys then ages 3 and 4 who had also had visits with birthfamily and had been abused. Here is what I would suggest after parenting children in that situation. Tell her you love her and WHY you love ... be specific. "I love you beautiful blue eyes or brown hair" etc ... I remember the first time I saw you and how perfect you were. (Kids who have been abused need to be told they were lovable and it wasnt their fault). Talk about ALL the good things you saw in her ... how she smiled, how she used to give great hugs etc... how she wasnt a bad baby at all but was simply the way she was supposed to be. Take the time to agknowledge that bad things happened and you are so sorry. That you DID love her and when you realized what had happened you took her to the hospital to get her help right away. (Kids need concrete things to understand what happened). Dont go into details ... just agknowledge that she was hurt, you are sorry you couldnt stop it but that you are really glad the doctors could make her better. Agknowledge her parents -- help her to know that she is PERMANENTLY with her current parents. Obviously they are reaching out to you if you got a picture and a letter, and your being respectful of them as her "Mommy and Daddy" will INFINATELY help her to be secure. Say something like "I am so glad that your mommy and daddy love you so much. And even though I miss you, It makes me very happy to know that you are somewhere where noone can ever hurt you again. From what they have told me, they love you very very much too. They told me you are the most special five year old in the whole world" I know that may not be an accurate in-depth description of your most intimate feelings on teh subject, but your daughter is 5 and she needs to feel secure. Ask questions ... kids LOVE to know someone is interested in them. EG "I really like popsicles, especialy the blue ones, do you like popsicles too?" "When I was 5 I always wanted to have a puppy, do you have a puppy at your house? Maybe you could send me a picture of you doing your MOST favorite thing" Do you have pictures of you and her together ... make copies at a photocopier and send them along with a description in story terms. "This is a picture with you and me going to the store ... it was a fun day because we saw Santa ....." "This is a picture of you and my mom, you used to call her gradma, she loved to make you cookies" etc... Be fun, be loving and mostly just try to make a connection. If you are looking for a little gift to send along ... little girls that age love craft supplies ... send along felts or crayons and ask her to draw you a picture that you can put on your fridge. I would also HUGELY and separately thank the adoptive parents for allowing this. Your agknowledgement of them will go A LONG way to facilitating future contact. I know the letter we got from our sons bdad absolutely made the difference between us wanting and not wanting direct contact and visits with him. It was a really great letter.