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Paul,
I'm sorry you are having to go through this but I think that writing a letter is very important for both you and her. I also think that you should write a letter and have it placed in her adoption file should she decide to find you one day. Take it from someone who is adopted, it's an easier travelled road when you know that your bparent wants to find you as well. Half of the battle for an adoptee is not knowing whether there is rejection waiting at the other end. Good luck with everything and may God Bless you!