Toll Free "800" number

Thanks for your reply. My only concern about canceling caller ID (*67) is that it's possible that the birth mother's phone blocks these calls. I can, "Deal with it then" but I like to be as prepared as possible...

Another option is to consider a pre-paid (throw away) cell phone like TracFone for those calls that you have to make without blocking. -Scott

We first had our 800 number overdial on our regular phone, and having call forwarded meet everything was forward to our cell phone, which meant, family, friends, business calls, telemarkers, etc.... So...we went with a second line, to have one a seperate answering machine on that phone, having only that line sent to my cell phone. I have a bit of problem with two telemarkers, but nothing else on this line. Also... it prepares us for a call that has to do with adoption. Rather than receiving them on are daily line. Yes... it is costing us some extra dollars.

I've noticed on my caller id that sometimes just the city and state appears (versus the name). Is there a way you can make that happen, or were you not wanting your "real" phone number to appear at all? Are you concerned it would be easier to "scam" you if they know your number, or are you trying to pursue a closed adoption? I am just wondering the reasoning behind not wanting your real number known. I thought the purpose of the 800 number was just to allow pbirthmothers to contact you from out of state without incurring long-distance charges. (I am just starting to research this process, so I not being judgy, just wondering what kind of precautions to take and why). Thanks, D.

For clarification, I'm not worried about my phone number appearing but my last name. If I can get the city and state, I'd be OK with that (I'll find out tomorrow if this option is available). Although I am not "closing the door" for post-adoption contact I want to know that the option is there...

The city and state show up on your long distance bill. On Caller ID I can tell it's an adoption call because you can not block your number to a 800 number I was told. So when any one calls we know whether it's a person or a telemarkter and 800 number their name and number appear. All adoption calls have add a name on number. Only once I had private, which could have been a pay phone I was told. We have caller ID boxes attached to our phones. Hope that helps.

OK....I am not sure if this works everywhere but here I block all unknown calls. I have noticed calls from numbers like 370-555-5555. Obviously not a number. So a friend and I tried it. Not sure if we have bad service or what, but any number with the right area code worked if there was a block. Something to try.....it irritates me as there really is no block if people learn this but I suppose if it was me hiding my number it would be different. :) Teresa

On the same theme as Scotts advice you might consider using a long distant phone card---you dial into an 800 number and then enter a bunch of numbers and then dial the phone number you are calling....on the other end the person will only see the 800 number you diled through--I know this workd because for a long time I called my mother that way--sometimes she would call me back and try using her caller ID--or caller Id redial--and always ended up with the 800 long distant phone company asking her to enter her code number---really kinda irritating to her so she ended up actually having to remember my number.

Would you leave your child with someone who's last name you didn't know? I still cannot understand why expectant parents/birthparents are considered so untrustworthy when they are trusting you with the most precious part of their life. Babysitters get more information about the adoptive couple than some expectant mothers/birthmothers. I just think this double standard needs to end. If you cannot trust someone with your last name why should you expect her to trust you with her baby? BTW< just because she has your last name does not mean that she will do anything with it.

I would definately go the anominity of the phone card route. It could show up in a different state everytime. I hope to adopt, but would want to know a little about the birth family first. my situation, I don't know if it is like yours, but I do understand. I would not want the people who abused me as a child to find out where I am. I would have no problem sharing my information with them, after I know they are not in contact with those people. However, I would need to feel comfortable first. I wish you luck. Something else to consider, if you need a line for them to call in on, cell phones are almost always listed as number only, and you can not get the name that goes with the number without paying a hugh fee on the internet. They can determine it is a cell phone, and the general metropolitan area the phone service originates in. Good luck.

We set up a second line, nonlisted, so we wouldn't get telemarketers on it. We had a toll free line 'pointed' to that number. When we advertised, we used both the second line local number and toll free number, especially in local efforts, so pbfamilies wouldn't think they were calling someone out-of-state. When we weren't home we forwarded our second line to a cell phone that we carried everywhere. It wasn't very expensive, about $25 per month. We used our cell phones to make outgoing calls - got plans with free long distance and free minutes. At work, I used a calling card to make outgoing calls, we got them pretty inexpensively at Sam's Club. I did this primarily so I wouldn't run the battery down on the cell. Keep in mind very few pbfamilies are going to leave a message and have you call them back. Instead, if they don't get you, they'll likely move on to another number. Best of luck, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Our agency would like us to keep our last name private until such time as we make a solid link with a birthmom. It is just security for both parties until we are able to start a relationship and come to disclosure agreement together. It really doens't have anything to do with hiding our identity from the birthmom.

Brenda- I think the reason some adoptive parents choose to keep their anonymity (at least early on in the relationship) is that there are so many stories of birth mothers pursuing contact that is above and beyond what was agreed upon when the adoption took place. Most couples pursuing adoption have already been through the emotional and costly process of infertility, and are frightened that they will be taken advantage of in some way. I understand that a birth mother may feel uncomfortable with that, but at such an early stage of the process, the potential adoptive parents have everything to lose, and are probably just being cautious. I don't think it is a matter of birthmothers being thought of as untrustworthy, nor do I think any comparison with a babysitter is appropriate. Babysitters need parents' information because they are being entrusted with the child in a temporary situation; when you put your child up for adoption, that arrangement is permanent. I wouldn't want the birth mother showing up at my doorstep unexpectedly, as I'm sure she would not want me showing up with the child unannounced. These are just my opinions as an adoptee and a hopeful adoptive parent.... Louise

Thanks to all for your great feedback! I know we can start a whole other thread on the anonymity issue and respect all opinions on it. I have not thought about the calling card option and will definately pursue it. - M

I realize that this is an older thread but we just completed the adoption process (YAY!!) and have a beautiful daughter, 2 and a half years old! It's been a process but is where we got our toll free number from and they allowed us to dial out using it so we didn't have to block our cell phone number or use it outright. It was cheap, high quality and they catered to us as adoptive parents instead of treating us like business executives or something (I guess mostly businesses use toll free numbers). So hopefully that helps other hopeful parents!! Good luck everyone!