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Its so good to hear your story of reunion. I would love to talk to you and I know I turned off the email thing when I registered and now I dont know if I can get back to switch it. Not real computer savy here. If its okay maybe I will try to email you. Cathie
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It seems like you really want this baby. Have you ever heard that money can't buy happiness.This child would have your love and nobody could replace that. It might be hard sometimes but you learned from your parents that you don't want to trouble her with money problems and with you saying that I think you should keep her. You obviously already love her and want what is best for her.You can give her a good life even if money is tight sometimes and there are a lot of orginizations that can help with child care and things like that until you finish college.I had a baby when I was 16 and I did not have anything but now he is five and we are doing good. God will provide for you if you turn to him and want your baby then follow your heart.Things will be okay.
I don't know about the whole idea of sending money to the child or setting up a college fund for the child. I whole heartedly agree with having visits, buying her gifts, writing her and having phone calls. But for some reason the idea of sending her money just doesn't sit right. I don't know. If your choosing the family because they can financially give her everything you can't at this moment....why worry about sending her money or setting up her college fund...especially if she already will have one. I mean money is wonderful and all...especially when it means going to college. But as an adoptive parent I think I'd be afraid that your trying to buy her love or PROVE...you were capable of providing for her. If your determined to prove that to her...why not prove it to her while your parenting her? Why experience that loss...and seperation...when ultimatley you know you WILL be able to provide for her and give her a financially stable life even if it starts out kinda rough or needing some help from the state. What your daughter will need from you most....wether you parent her or place her....is your love, your commitment to her and your interest in her. i just hate to think of you focusing so much on the money aspect of it. because Money should not be the only reason to place a child...and no amount of money you could give that child later will "make-up" for the financial stuff you couldn't provide for her now and the decision to place her. I think the choice to place her for adoption should be less focused on money and what they can provide (over what you can provide) and look at it as this is your child....she doesn't need to wear the best clothes or most expensive diapers. She doesn't need to have a horse and a big ranch. Yes all those things are great but you don't have to have those things to have a happy childhood filled with love and security. Sometimes it's good for children to grow up in a lifestyle where they see their family...WORK... to keep food on the table and bills paid. It's a valuable life lesson that not every "rich" kid learns....many times they just take it all for granted. Think of how much more they will appreciate college or the EXTRA stuff if they learn to work for it. That teaches the child a much more valuable lesson and greater appreciation and respect for themselves.
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Just wanted to ask if your counselor is one who really is thinking first about your needs. I think that counselors from adoption agencies can often be ones who say that they consider your needs, but might in some subtle (or not so subtle) ways be more supportive of adoption. Also, I think your reaction to the comments "wouldn't be your place" do mean something; if you want to be the mom and that is what is in your heart, maybe first try to find a solution that would make that possible. (And I'd agree, backing off from talking with the potential adoptive mom might be an important part of that process.) You have the right to do what you want -- of course there's always someone who can provide more, or maybe even be a better parent in some way, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't choose to be her parent. Finding a solution, financial and emotional, that makes parenting possible may help you clarify what you want. It might feel like a relief and what you want to do or clarify that you want to make the decision to have her adopted. There is a huge loss in adoption.... when your daughter needs something or is scared, she will turn to her adoptive mom; it won't be equal between the two of you. She will be the psychological parent and I think adoption, no matter how open, doesn't change that. Anyway, just some thoughts -- I wish you the best as you work your way through this.
hello, i just had my son oct 26 and placed him with a wonderful family i am in the same position and relized that my love for him was the reason i needed to place.just because i love him and wanted to keep him doesn't change the position i'm in and he will be in also.i will tell u tho IT IS NOT EASY it broke my heart.but i loved him so much and wanted him to be stable,i did an open adoption and now he has so many people that love him he has 2 of everything and will never want for anything.but adopting out a child is not for everyone and i wish i was selfish and could have kept him he is so beautiful.but in the end i just couldn't think of myself.it will be painful and hard but when u know ur child will always have what they need in your heart there will be peace eventually.don't let anyone force the decision make it in your heart first thats ur child.no one can take that u will always be a mom no matter your decision. kess 