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One thing that really stood out to me about your post was when you wrote, "I have never sought you out, but have been content to respect your decision. My info is posted in a few places, in case you should have ever come to need to know."
Back then, some of our b-moms were told that they could never contact us. They were told that they didn't have the right to invade our lives. For some, it even went so far as being told that they would be prosecuted if they ever searched for their children.
So, I'm not certain that she has made a decision to not contact you.
You should attempt to find her, if you are interested in finding her. The vast majority of our b-moms are at least happy that we contacted them because they now know that we are alive and well. Can you imagine what it would be like to not even know if your child is still alive?
I always think that knowing is better than assuming. But, feel free to disagree with me.
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I am back home right now. I am in Marin, and every day I look across the bay. I wonder if you stayed in the Bay Area? I drove past the hospital I was born in last week.
I think of you often, and give thanks for you every time I do. I hope your life has been full of joy, and that you have peace. I hope that you have a sense of my gratitude, and like to feel that somehow you do.
Thanks,
Love,
It is after midnight, today is my birthday.
It was 45 years ago today that you gave me the greatest gift I will ever get. The funny thing is all day long as I've thought about the approach my birthday you're the one I have thought about.
Over the course of the last year one of the themes for me has been to think about happiness. I write this while floating at anchor in Georgetown, Bahamas I am here because I have made deliberate choices. Sometimes those choices are hard, but I am doing a job that I love.
I imagine how hard it must have been for you. Making that "deliberate choice" first to given me life... And then to allow me to have a better life then you felt you could give me.
I hope you are happy, I hope that you remember me and this day. I hope that it is a celebration for you. I imagine you looking, maybe doing a search on the Internet... Maybe this birthday will be the one. 45 is one of "those" birthdays for some folks.
Here is what I plan to do today.
I will wake up before the sun rise. I will make coffee and sit in the cockpit of the boat and listen to the shortwave radio for the weather while I drink that first cup and watch the sun come up.
I have a redwood flute I like to play at special times. After I listen to the weather I will play my flute. If I am lucky, it will be one of those especially still mornings and I will be able to hear the notes of the flute on the water.
I will think of you as I play. I will imagine you as a college student, your life before you as you carry a child. I will imagine the challenges of the people who must have asked you what you were going to do with me. I imagine some were less then supportive, some may have even judged you. I hope not, and if they did I want you to know that you were right. Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for the life you have given me.
There are hard days, and there are good days. I have decided to be happy. I hope you are happy.
I have always respected your decision and your privacy. I respect you for the beautiful human being you are, more then just the woman who carried me and gave me life....
So much more to write. When I play my flute in the morning know that I will play my intentions through my breath. I will play my gratitude for you. I will play and ask for your peace, and your happiness. I will play for you to know Love.
Blessings to you today and every day. Thank you so much for the life you have given me.
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Happy Mother's Day!
All day I have been thinking about you. I do hope you are happy today, and that your life is full and rich. So often I have thought of you, I do so hope you are happy.
I continue to live this life you have given me. It is so often difficult to remember to appreciate the beauty of the day... I do try hard not to overlook it.
My understanding of happiness has come to include the idea that we have a "moral imperative" to peruse it... And I am.
Sometimes I wonder if you read this, I wonder if you would like me to seek you out. I have thought many times of it, and wish I knew your will. I would love for you to at least know how very thankful I am to you for giving me this life to live.
May you enjoy the happiest of mothers days today,
Love,
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Mom,
For a decade now, I have posted to this thread. I have enjoyed posting here, and it has been a small way I have felt the ability to connect with you and include you in this path that is my life.
This year has been a wide open journey into wellness for me. I have rediscovered yoga, spent more time in meditation and practicing mindfulness... I feel more healthy, and more my self then I ever have.
Today I took a step, and I hope it leads me to the place where I can thank you in some more personal way. I submitted my "consent for contact" form to the social services office. If you have chosen to do likewise, I will get your request for my contact info and will be able to tell you in some way just what I have felt.
I wonder if you have read this thread? I would love to share it with you if you have not. One gift I have gotten as I shared these things here over the years was the encouragement of other birth mothers... Both in the thread, and in personal messages.
Thank you again, and I also want to say thank you to all the others who read this. I am happy, healthy, and living a life I would have not experienced....
I am very grateful, and I hope I get the opportunity to share that with you soon.
Love,
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Thinking of you today,
My recent quest for information about you has not been fruitful as of yet. You are on my mind, and I send you good thoughts.... I do so hope you are happy, at peace, and that your life is filled with joy.
These things are true for me, and I would love for you to know that. Life is hard some times, but I honor you and the decision you made every day.
Love,
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Happiest of happy thanksgivings to you mom. I am thankful for my life today.
Also, happy Thanksgiving to all the birthmothers out there.... Blessings of Peace, Joy, and Love to you today and every day!
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Happy birthday mom!
Hard to believe another year has passed so quickly. Last night I was sharing the experience last year, when I met a birth mom on my birthday and thanked her. My life is so rich and full of these kinds of "coincidences". I am truly and fully thankful to you for choosing to carry me and give me this opportunity.
What a year it has been!
The journey has not been an easy one, but I am taking very deliberate steps to be happy and to live my life to the fullest!
This year has seen me take some new (crazy?) steps, risky and bold... But I have gotten nudges and confirmation along the way. Driving across the country and coming back to California, shifting my life's focus yet again, and maybe more significantly for this post is my decision to pursue getting some information about you.
My hope is that I might be able to thank you for giving me this life, I struggle with the "how" involved in that... I don't want to disrupt your life, or make a unilateral decision that would affect you in any way.
Once again, I find myself wondering if you see these posts? I hope that somehow the Universe will see fit to send you something of the gratitude and Love I feel for you today.
Thank you for my life, and thanks to all the birthmothers who will read this!
Peace, Joy, and. Love,
Craig
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Happy birthday mom!
Hard to believe another year has passed so quickly. Last night I was sharing the experience last year, when I met a birth mom on my birthday and thanked her. My life is so rich and full of these kinds of "coincidences". I am truly and fully thankful to you for choosing to carry me and give me this opportunity.
What a year it has been!
The journey has not been an easy one, but I am taking very deliberate steps to be happy and to live my life to the fullest!
This year has seen me take some new (crazy?) steps, risky and bold... But I have gotten nudges and confirmation along the way. Driving across the country and coming back to California, shifting my life's focus yet again, and maybe more significantly for this post is my decision to pursue getting some information about you.
My hope is that I might be able to thank you for giving me this life, I struggle with the "how" involved in that... I don't want to disrupt your life, or make a unilateral decision that would affect you in any way.
Once again, I find myself wondering if you see these posts? I hope that somehow the Universe will see fit to send you something of the gratitude and Love I feel for you today.
Thank you for my life, and thanks to all the birthmothers who will read this!
Peace, Joy, and. Love,
Craig
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Happy Birthday! (((Craig)))
:cake:
Wishing you, and your mother, peace, love, joy and for your birthday wishes to come true!
Beth
Craig, I am like you in that I've made no efforts to find out names of my bio parents. It's hard for many to understand but I was happy and thankful for the life I was living.
I have a sister, also adopted and she was the exact opposite. She always has wanted to find her bparents.
I found out all about my bf recently as he left me in his will. He apparently knew who I was my entire life and stayed in the background.
I have yet to tell my sister as I'm sure it would hurt her; it's seemingly cruel that I was happy 'as is' and she has made every effort to find her bios. Yet I'm the one who has this info drop in my lap.
Although I learned after he was gone the point is you never know when everything is opened up for you. Hopefully you'll find her in time.
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I posted some of this in the search forum, but it feels like I want to share some more here.
The main thread i have posted to is in the "Thanks for Life" forum here. With my recent activities in searching i have really had to test and try that position.
"What do i seek?" I have believed for a long time the answer was "to say thank you". Now that I am actually moving forward with this, i am more sure of that then I ever have been.
So often I talk to adult adoptees and they share that they are haunted, or even feel bound by the idea that they were 'abandoned'. I don't feel this way.
I feel it is much more true for me, that I was "freed". The more I learn, the more I believe that a young woman was faced with some very difficult choices and she did the very best thing she could think to do.
Like Moses in a basket, I floated into the arms of a set of parents who were able to give me an amazing life and to realize (still in progress!) the things I am to do.
Just the information I now have makes me all the more thankful. I read that you spent a few days in the hospital after I was delivered. The non-id info said you were "proud of me". It is hard to imagine what I might have "done" to make you proudŅ maybe that is really really important for me to see.
Maybe it was not about what I had "done" but about who I am.
How hard might it have been for you to spend that time and still stick with your decision? I wondered if you had been able to hold me now I wonder how very hard it was for you to let me goŅ.
The one thing I really really want to say to you is thank you. I do hope that I get the chance.
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Also,
Thank you again to all the birthmothers who have written over the years and shared with me. I appreciate you, and whatever the outcome of my search it has made me feel very good to be able to share my gratitude with so many here.
Peace, Joy, and Love to all who read.
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