What are you doing for birth mothers day?

Veg Carrol said "Bmom goes to college but they haven't told anyone about dd. I thought about covering a compostiion book with some of dd original artwork. What do I do for bdad? I considered covering a pen cup or mouse pad with her artwork. But, I don't necessarily want him to know every year that his gift will be almost the same as what bmom received on Mother's Day. Also, bgramndmom will be here in a week. I am sure she will want to take some drawings with her. Especially, if dd colors them while she is here. That will take away from the uniqueness of the gift I was intending." I think covering a compostition book w/ your dd's drawings is a great idea. If bmom doesn't feel comfortable using it at school, she could use it as a journal. I also like the ideas you did at Christmas w/ the handprints. Here's another handprint idea I love: Take your dd's hand and trace it. Cut out multiple of her hands in green. Layer the handprints to form a circle that will "frame" a photo of her. Scatter die cut flowers among the leaf handprints. It really is cute! I don't think that bdad will mind having a gift that is similar to bmoms. I think he will be honored that he has been remembered! I like the mousepad idea for him. I don't think drawings can loose their uniqueness or specialness for birthparents. As her mother, you probably see her drawings every day, but as birthparents, we see them infrequently so each one holds special meaning to us! Lilife Lover wrote, "Does anyone have any cheap, but thoughtful ideas for mother's day? Poor, starving student here...but I'm still trying to be the good birthmother, the "entitling" birthmohter...the way I figure it, the more I give to them the better of a lif my daughter will have and the better it will be for all of us..." I love vegcarrol's idea for using a poem. I did something similar on my bson's first Christmas. I typed up an adoption poem I really liked and thought his a parents would like too. I printed it out on pretty patterned cardstock. I bought a frame at the $1 store - and had a meaningful gift that I made for less than $2! Besides, it's not so much the gift itself that is important, but the thought behind the gift. Now, I have a question for some of you....... I have never sent a card to my bson's amom before. Would it be odd if I did so this year? He is 3 and 1/2. What do some of you write in these cards??? Coley

I didnt send a card last year, but I delivered right before (the weekend before) mothers day last year. This will be the first mothers day I'm sending a card, too. Plus I havent sent Xmas or birthday cards since I dont celebrate them. I dont know what to write in it either, partly because we talk about weekly on email. I hope it's not odd for me to do it either... go ahead Coley, send a card. Get one with something sappy on it so you dont have to think up something sentimental :). Or at least that's what I'm going to do since I have no creativity at all. I like the poem in a frame idea. Thanks Coley. I think I might send that over for mothers day, or bring it as a gift when I visit on Birthmothers Day. Anyone know where I can find a good poem? One that you dont see everywhere?

I sent flowers to Amom on her first mother's day with my daughter (she already had an older adopted son)....and I called, which turned out to be a no-no and very hurtful. This year, I can't afford the tradition of flowers, as I was hoping to, so I'm definately sending a handmade card...courtesy of craft stuff at walmart...and I guess that's it?

Why was it hurtful? Did she do anything for you?

No, it wasn't that. I guess I just had different expectations for that conversation than she did. We hadn't talked a whole lot about how she became a mom...or anything like that, so when I called to wish her a happy mother's day what I got was, "Someday, when you have kids of your own I can say the same." It just hit me the wrong way, and I don't want to hear that anymore...so, I'll call her another day.

Well no wonder!!!! That would hit me the wrong way too. How incredibly insensitive. No one would say that to a mother whose baby had died. How is it that our experience as a mother is instantly discounted the moment we give up our parental rights?

hey,i am bmom and had no idea that there was bmoms day i think that is great !!

I don't know, but it seems like that's the case everywhere we go. Even my mother, when I talk about my daughter, feels the need to remind me that I am not her mother. Well no kidding? Of course I know that...I think I understand that better than anyone else can. I didn't want to send AMom a card this year. But, I didn't really want to tarnish any part of a relationship for later. I know she doesn't expect anything, and I feel right now as though I have nothing left to give (and I literally don't, financially...all my savings I spent on school since I had no baby to care for). So, instead of writing her a long letter, making that risky phone call or borrowing the money for roses, I spend some time making a card that I'll compare to a wedding invitation or baby announcement, complete with vellum paper and a background of a dozen roses. It simply says," Amom, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you have a wonderful day, Love, Me." I feel like I'm selling her short, but that's all I have to give...and I don't want her to take anything the wrong way, so short and sweet seems the way to go. Brenda, you know, there is one person in my life that's validated my role as mother in my daughter's life (in whatever form it has been and will be). He did it from the very beginning. On our first date I sat him down and laid out my expectations for the relationship, my expectations of him and what I was and was not going to do. It was hard! He seemed a little floored. Then, because I'm so sick of people finding out about my daughter and acting weird or leaving, I told him about her, showed him a few pictures that are always in my wallet, and let him think. Boy, did he ever. He sat there and took it all in, then took my hand and said, "That's part of who you are, and I want to get to know all of you." Sorry, I digress...

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Looking, I noticed that you are from South Carolina. I am coordinating an event in SC for bmoms from SC, NC, and GA. If you view this link - [URL=http://www.birthmombuds.com/luau_for_life.htm]Luau for Life[/URL] it tells you more info and gives you contact info. It's open to all birthmoms, so you are more than welcome to come!! ~ Coley [/FONT]

Lili - That's so wonderful :) (the guy story). I'm glad you're posting more too. I've missed ya. I'll spend my day at the event I planned in New Orleans :D So anyone nearby is welcome to stop by, and/ or send in any writing or notes to the one they love to be posted onsite. I haven't decided if I'll tell my children's aparents about the event because I don't want them to feel it is about them, nor feel obligated to send me something, etc etc. I don't want them to internalize it. I just want ppl in adoption who want to honor birthparents and their children to feel free to do so. Take care Maia

Volfe! There you are. Yeah, it's been kinda crazy, as always. I'm either here or I'm not...sometimes it's just too hard to sit around and talk about adoption stories-even if I'm complaining! But, since Mother's day is coming up then...well, I duno. I have to anyway, might as well do it here. Hey-I'm considerably closer this term to New Orleans, but not close enough I fear! I'm jealous that yall have a nifty organization of birthmothers. Goodness! That's awesome. You have fun!

You need more like him in your life. We need to surround ourselves with positive people who respect us. I don't know how much it counts, but I see you as a mom.

Are you kidding? This from the woman that my agency based a lot of their adoption counseling practices after... Of course it counts, and it means a lot. I see you as a mom to your son as well...we may have to work twice as hard to prove it, feel it, show it, whatever...but you have definately been someone to look up to, for all of us birthmothers and for your own children. Thank you! p.s. This is a little unrelated, but check out what's happening in congress these days, in TX they're doing a lot of abortion, foster care, ect legislation and you need to act now! Check with your congress-person to see what's happening in your state.

Oh Lili, you need to hang out with me some. I only seem to find the most understanding and supportive ppl... like other bmoms, adopted folks and few aparents, those few like openness. I have been always been reminded I am also a mother, a mom, a real mom, etc etc. Is it this city? Next time you visit here you'll hafta call on me! Maia

Thank you, that's really sweet. I have been. It's pretty terrifying. You know in TX they have abstinance only education. The teen-age pregnancy rate has gone up something like 30%.