im done trying

You know, you are sooo right that you have a right to that information! Ironically, the UN Convention on Children's Rights states that every child has a right to their heritage. (and a name and a family). Not just ANY heritage but their own (IMO). All but two countries in the UN have ratified this. The US and Somalia. They have signed it 10 yrs ago which means they will consider ratification. Ratification would mean our laws need to change to reflect all the rights listed. It makes me angry that the US will not give adoptees their rightful heritage and information. I DO think your mother thinks of you. I can imagine her difficulty -- they do NOT make it easy to update your info I think. Gee, if they are telling bmothers as recently as the mid-80s that they have no chance at seeing these children... I'm a birthmother and I had to read the laws to find out that you can tell the state that you want to be found. Not an agency but the state. I think. It's not clear. And I have no idea who I'd contact to do so?? As it is we had a private adoption. An attorney. It is however, open. I would have it no other way. I can imagine you'd need a break from the emotions of searching. Take one! But know someone thinks of you often. I also know that some people don't know how to start searching. Let me tell you this quick true story. I was at a birthday party talking to a new grandma who was holding her baby. I told her about my baby, who is adopted and she told me she had adopted her kids. and also when she was young she had a baby and placed him and said he'd find her by the grace of god (that's the gist of the story, I'd know details still but I was crying the whole time cuz talking bout my baby made me cry all the time then). I still need to find this gramma! I lost track of her b/c her granddaughter moved (my daughters classmate) and the school won't give me her #, they wont call her for me, and she's not in the phone book. I'm hoping she's my friends mom (someone from these forums). sorry to blather on. We're all here for ya. Maia

i have sent several letters to the aclu with no response. i figure, an adoptee is discriminated , in a way, by the agency they were adopted out of. almost seeming to have no rights when it come to their own life. i received no response from them. i do not want to seem like a bigot, but i guess that the aclu dosent bother with trivial things like a persons well being.

No - you have every right to be angry! I researched the ACLU too and you know what they say? They do not mess with matters of family law. So they are saying it's not ok to oppress or otherwise treat a sector of humanity poorly for ANY reason based on their skin color, their sex, their sexual orientation, etc. But it's OK to do so in this case (adoption)??? So much wrong is blanketed over in the name of family law it's crazy. I am appalled at our country's tact on this issue. Maia

i agree. and again, i will express the fact that i am not racist but the fact that the aclu does do some good for equality and freedoms we should have. but the fact that i am white should have nothing to do with the fact that we are not treated equal because we are adopted. there are lots of problems with society, for instance, my wife tried to go back to school and applied for financial aid and grants. she was denied. we have two kids and a limited income. she was told the only reason she could not have the grant or financial aide was because she was not a minority. the result was that she is unable to go to school and help better our family. how fair is this? i know that is completely off the subject of adoption but it proves my point.

Sorry your going through that...If you ever wanna chat someones ear off email me...JoAnne

WHOA! That aint cool. IMO she has every right to make it all about her at this point. she has no info, and no one has made an effort to contact her. Living your life in pain/anger and rejection is hard enough, but then searching and getting nowhere and feeling the rejection all over again is harder. she doesnt even know the situation with her bparents. so..... at this point, yes it IS all about her.

Hi, I thought I would weigh in here with my take on the situation. I am a birthmother and I did not put a letter in my sons file when I gave birth simply because I did not know what to say. I felt so guilty for putting my family through this mess and my church (whose agency I went through for the adoption) just aggravated the guilt. I was told if I ever wanted to send a letter they would add it to his file. When I tried recently to do that, they told me I couldn't. I have sent consent-to-contact forms in and I have little faith that they will do any good. They are probably put in a file that no one looks in. They probably never look for matches! I could sit around thinking that my son doesn't want contact and give up. But I can't. Everyday, the pain grows a little more. Giving him up was so hard, and living with the pain everyday has been harder. I don't know if he wants contact or not, but I am not going to trust the agency or the state in this matter. I am going to find him come hell or high water. If he chooses not to have a relationship with me I will leave him alone, but I have to know if he is alive and alright. I will never stop searching! Having said that, keep in mind your birthmother may feel they same way. Or she may believe the state or agency you were adopted through. They routinely tell birthmothers that they are not allowed contact and not to try and find their birthchild. They are lied to and discriminated against as much or more that adoptees are. I hope that you don't give up on her. As many have already said, I am sure she hasn't forgotten you. She may very well want contact with you but she could be afraid or just not know how to go about it. Good Luck and don't lose hope. It is all some of us have. Deb ISO son 08/15/1979 Decatur, GA - Adoption finalized in a New England state?

hope mine feels that way! im prayin everyday she feels that way.;)

It is nice to know that a birthmother is searching. I am an adoptee who's been searching since age 13, with the help of my adoptive parents (they are very supportive). As of now, I still haven't found any identifying info., and the last contact made by my birthmother to the agency was in 1980... to see if I had been adopted or not. Thank you for the breath of fresh air. Sara, 11/03/1979

I have a nephew that was born in June of 79 and I have no legal authority to even put a letter in his file. He was born in Ada, MN and adopted in Fargo, ND. It is my knowledge that the adoptive parents had ties to the military and/or medicine. Is any of this familiar to you?

What home did you use to put your baby up for adoption? I am an adopted mother and wonder sometimes if Edna Gladney withholds information, too.My first son found his through them, but my daughter has registered there with no luck hearing from her birthmother. tebdk5@yahoo.com

I agree with you. It irks me that Gladney holds the paperwork in their hands with the name and can't, won't tell you anything. It is your information. They don't even sound sad they can't tell you anything! It is so frustrating. tebdk5@yahoo.com

i started this thread over a year ago under username dopkickm. i cant beleive it is still up. i have begun my search again due to my wife and i being in the process of adopting two foster siblings, along with our 2 biological sons we have a pretty full house now, and it kind of spurred me back into action. thanks you for all of your support.

I started this thread over a year ago under the username dopkickm. cant beleive it is still going. I have begun my search again due to my wife and i being in the process of adopting 2 foster siblings, along with our 2 biological sons, we have a full house to say the least. the whole process is spurring me to find some unanswered questions

Please know you're not seeing both sides of the story. I placed my son for adoption in 1975. We both contacted the adoption agency. Though we both had requested information for a reunion, they never passed anything along to either of us. After 45 years we found each other four months ago through DNA searches and he had an adoption angel helping him. So you know, I've loved him since I first knew I was pregnant at the age of 15. I thought about him every day. Finally wrapping my arms around him and both of us crying nonstop for 20 minutes filled the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle of my life.We were lucky. There are many reasons other birth parents have moved on. They may not have told their spouses, it's too painful to go back. Trust me, the pain I lived with for all those years was overwhelming. Remember though, your birth mother may have never, ever received any requests for contact from the adoption agency.Again, we just got lucky through sheer determination to find each other.