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>Has anyone else felt this way? Is it something to grow out of? >Sometimes I feel we so identify with J. (my husband struggles >with these feelings, too) that we are having trouble taking the >necessary emotional steps to feel like entitled parents.
Our daughter Lily was born April 21st. When I'm not so busy that my heads spinning, I too feel a sense of grief/guilt about, and for, our birth mom "C".
Lily and I went to lunch with "C" today. Watching people come up to me to praise Lily as my daughter and watching me with Lily was hard for her, I could tell. I have come away from every visit with "C" with guilt and grief for her and the choice she made. I attempt to express this too her and hope she can understand.
The one way, the only way, to help myself ease the guilt and grief is to remind myself that this was the best choice for Lily, "C", and the birth father. To remind myself that I am an honorable person and that I have kept my word with "C" and the birthfather in regards to letters visits etc. That I continue to reply to comments about birth mothers with... "I could never have had the strength to make such a decision, "C" is my hero. She inspires me to be the best mom I can be. " This helps ease the guilt and sometimes soothes the grief for "C".
On those late nights when I'm exhausted and grumpy and at my wits end, I stop and think of what "C" gave me. This piece of her heart. I remember my promise to "C" to love, nourish and protect Lily and I take a deep breath and smile and try again, knowing "C" had the confidence in me to take a piece of her heart forever and cherish it.
Try not to feel guilty, your birth mom chose you for this. If you love/protect/cherish your child and honor your promises to the birth parents you have nothing to feel guilty for.