Today, a beautiful little girl turns 15. I am wondering is she having fun? I am a birthmother that is struggling every year on this day. I am just a mess wondering "DOes she have a boyfriend?" "Will she have a cool birthday party?" Is her hair still red? Or is she like me and had it all different colors? Oh god, this is so hard. I didn't have a outlet until this site other than my wonderful husband. I would love any kind of help or thoughts from other birthmothers or Adoptee kiddoes that might like to write me. I am open to any questions on why I made that decision. I just need to know where to go from here. This was a closed adoption and I know that I have to wait another 3 years to start the reunion. I do have other children now. They know about her and are very excited to meet their"Big SIS" Can I let them call her that.... I am so lost. I hope I can hear from anyone that even just wants to visit. Thank you so much for this site. e-mail or anything. Like I said I am new to this so, bear with me...
Thank You,
Hi Robyn
My heart goes out to you, I know how you feel. Every year on my son's birthday, I take the day off work (if that applies) and usually isolate myself. I do the same as you, wonder if he's having a party, but mostly I wonder if he's thinking of me. I wish I could tell you as the years go by, it get easier, but, at least in my case, it doesn't.
I think your kids are more than entitled to call her 'big sis', she is after all, their sister no matter who her parents are.
You're in my prayers.
P.S. My biggie these days is, I wonder if I'm a grandmother. Boy does that freak me out in a big way.... I'm only 42!!
I want to thank you for your kind words. I just didn't know who or where to talk to anyone that knows how I feel. I am very comforted in knowing that there is understanding women such as yourself out there that have our "Isolation Days" like me. I am a domestic Goddess (I hate the word housewife) and just cry at commercials and listens to "the blues" and cries to my wonderful understanding husband. My boys are very sweet in dealing with me on these days. I am hoping that in a few years she will want to find me. I just wanted to thank you and you are also in my prayers as well. I feel like a little of Janis and some Ben & Jerry's will take the edge off. Once again, thank you.If you are a grandma I think they are very lucky kiddoes and I hope they learn how very soon.
Take care.
As an adoptee I cannot tell you how bitter-sweet it was to read your post. I can only tell you that as a mother now myself I am so greatful to have my children with me, I cry on their birthdays out of gratitude and wishing that their Grandma could see how beautiful they are. I think of my birthmother every birthday and holiday and sometimes just on a typical day, I hope that someday I can share this with her.
I wish you luck and strength to get through the rough days.
I placed my son 12 yrs ago and he had a birthday on Monday the 19th...I understand EXACTLY how you feel. how is he? what he doing on this bierthday? Play those sad songs and watch those sad movies....sometimes it's GOOD to cry!
I do have a question for you...when did you tell your kids about their big sister? how did you do you do it? how old were they? My oldest daughter is 9 and my twins are 6...I feel that it's time but I have no idea of how to approach the subjuct. We have talked about adoption as they has a cousin that was adopted.
May you be RICHLY BLESSED in the Lord on this wonderful day!
Thank you for replying to my first post. This is a hard day but, I know it probablly for her as well. I do not mean to cause any hurt or bad feelings by posting my thoughts on this day. I am just thinking of her always. Thank you for your insight as an adoptee, I hope you find your birthmom soon so she can see what a kind person and loving mom you turned out to be. You have also helped me to think from her point of view. I just thank you-all for helping me through this. Each and everyone of you are angels masquerated as women and I hope you know how sweet you are to help me. Thank you, and my thoughts are with you too.
Thank you,
Thank you for your kind words and HAPPY Belated Birthday to your son as well!!!!! I started talking to my boys when my oldest son (just turned 13 March 29th) was about 6 and as always on this very day Mommy was really sad and he could not understand why. So, I just told him that today was a special day for a wonderful little girl that Moms misses terribly. Well, for him that was not enough. So, I explained about "his Big Sis" and how Mommy was having some hard times then and that there was these wonderful people that could not have a baby of their own and Mommy gave them a special gift. He was so mature for his age then and now. He was very careful with my feelings and didn't ask for really big details surrounding her. That's him, now, I also have an 8 year old that is the King of all questions asked. He over head a conversation with me and my husband on this same day a year ago. He ran in and asked "Oh, man, a big sister?!" He had a crazed look on his face and I went into it with"Yes, sweety you have a big sister". I don't know how to explain things better than explain them in not so much bad details. I told him that many years ago before Mom and Dad found each other, mom was not in such a good place as she is now. And that there was a family that was very sad that needed a little girl to help them be happy. He asked when he will get to meet her and I told him that she is 14 and when she turns 18 which is 4 more years to go that we will go meet her. I don't know if I am any help, my family is just really open and honest about just about everything. My youngest took that and told everyone at school about his "Big Sis". I try to be honest with them and when they get a little older I will explain the circumstances around her adoption. You are so kind to answer my post, Iwas so lost with out this room and your sweet words. I don't know if I told them right but these are great kids that I can't wait for them to meet her and for me to see her. I hope I am some help.
My prayers are with you and your family,
Thank you,
Sorry to give this to you at such a late date (computer problems!) CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!! You have given me hope that there may be a happy ending for me as well ! I am so happy for you and your family. My prayers are still with you and your family and I am genuinelly happy for you. I hope this finds you doing well and sunny skies for you and your family!
Hi Robyn....
Big, huge hugs to you. Thank you so much. I guess you lurk on the help please urgent thread. It is an incredible feeling and impossible to describe, seeing your child again. I pray for you, I pray you get to experience the same one day.
The day is fast approaching again for you.... Sweet 16.
Please, please keep hope alive in your heart. It happens, it really does. Maybe not for all of us, but it does. And I can honestly say, even though my son has backed off again, just knowing he is alive, healthy and loved and more than I ever hoped for.
I'm thinking of you...
Love, Sandy aka Seacritter