Hey all, I was just wondering who all the Southern California families are. We live in Placentia, next to Yorba Linda. Anyone live kind of close? -stacy
we're trying to think about the kidproofing now so that we don't have to think about it later when we're busy (I teach college so I have the summer "off"). I figure we'll be too busy at xmas so it's now or next may! We also have to build a pool gate and put a few alarms/barriers up sometime this year as well. taking bids and hoping it won't cost too much!
The bunnies have the run of the family room, a bit over 500 sq. ft (our entire downstairs area). Yes they're potty trained, though the occasional bunny poop makes its way outside the pan. Bunnies naturally like to poop and pee in one or two spots (cat pans) and they like to go while they eat, so we have their hay racks in their cage with the pans. They have a cage if for some reason we need to lock them up (contractors for example), but for the most part they run around and destroy the family room. all the furniture down there is fair game-and we're not upset about it. The hamster is downstairs as well. the cats have run of the house, including the bunny cage, much to the bunnies' dismay. The bunnies used to have the run of the house, but after chewing my hand-embroidered pillows that I brought from egypt, a few books, my lovely black leather tote bag, etc., they are now confined to the family room. Luckily there is a ton of stuff to destroy there as well-my yoga mats, the kilim, dh's desks, so much fun!
we have three cats, one too skinny (6.5 lbs) one too fat (9.7+lbs) and his brother whose weight is just right (7.2 lbs). Exactly how the obese one will fit over a gate remains to be seen:-). It might even be good for him exercise-wise, but he's soo lazy that he'll probably just sit by the gate and look at us with his big eyes. We thought of putting a cat door thru the gate, but then the bunnies will just barge in and head upstairs! if anyone has any solutions, please let me know!
those pride classes sound really neat, though I suspect they were kind of inconvenient on occasion. I like the socializing with others-we're a bit isolated out here, though i intend to try and hook up with others. most of the folks we know from our adoption classes lived in west LA, a monumental psychological distance from Glendale:-).
we're waiting to hear about a possible match (see gen. adoption boards) so things may be happening soon- may no longer be this hypothetical thing:-).Poor cats and rabbits, they have no idea that their life is about to change...
My dh, mom, and cat (Mamakittie) live in South Corona. We are just starting the adoption process.
We dont' have any kids now but we are an unusual family. I'm adopted and a birthmother (at 17). Our cat has been our baby for the past 4 years and we are thinking of getting her a playmate (our silly family joke..) My mom is tired of being the grandmother to a cat so we are looking at adoption.
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past 3 years and did the whole fertility thing (Dr. Lawrence Werlin in Irvine-world renowned fertility expert) and after 3 failed inseminations and a negative reaction to Clomid, we decided my eggs are just too old and if we did in-vitro with donor eggs I would still only have a 60% chance of getting pg and who knows, I could miscarry again. I just can't go thru that again, although the third time wasn't as bad as the first two because you just get used to the disappointment.
We are trying to decide on a country to adopt from. There are so many choices out there. How did everyone decide? I spend hours each night on the internet researching countries and agencies.
I look forward to meeting all of you.
Welcome Mel!
My dh and I decided after a year of fertility problems that adoption was the best option for us to start our family. We decided to go through the state and do the foster/adopt program and look forward to the many challenges and rewards that lie ahead. We have finished all of our classes and paperwork and are waiting for our SW to finish up our homestudy. Since we are going through the state we don't have a private agency that we are working with so I can't really help you in that area. We joke about getting siblings for our 2 puppies so I can relate to your cat getting a playmate. My parents are also tired of being a grandma and grandpa to a drooling dog.
How is the kidproofing going? We bought the child proofing stove knobs and brought them home and our knobs were too big so I had to order some special child proofing stove knobs online. I am waiting for those to get here and hope they fit. Other than that I haven't done anything else to childproof. The guy who is supposed to come out and check our house told us not to fix or buy anything till he comes out and gives us a list of what to do.
I was reading your other post about your potential match. I agree with your decision in that both you and your dh have to be comfortable with it. I am much more open to certain things than dh is so we had to really sit down and talk about what we would accept and not accept.
Keep me posted on how things are going!
welcome melissa and hi everyone,
we're adopting domestically, but it took a ton of reading and thinking to decide all the other factors (age, number, other specifics). We went to a ton of orientations, read about 20 books and finally came to some decisions.
of course the decisions are fluid with each potential situation. We were just presented with a baby boy with possible "issues" (cerebral palsy at worst, at best healthy). Much angst and discussion and we finally decided to say no. I'm much more torn up about it, I would have gone either way, but dh felt in his heart that this wasn't the placement for us. so we said no (ugh). Each one of these potential matches is heartwrenching, but we do learn something about ourselves and each other. Decided to pamper ourselves this weekend: I bought a pair of shoes and made a check out to a charity so we could sleep at night. Now we are awaiting the next call...
and trying to childproof the house. We are looking for a particular gate for the bottom of our stairs- still looking, and thinking about a few other things such as the stove, the cupboards, etc. My inlaws are coming out in july and they don't know anything about the adoption stuff, so we're holding off doing anything that we can't explain away as bunny or kitty proofing, but still trying to get work done. Dh wants to tell them when they're here but I'm vehemently against informing them before the child arrives-they'll be nosy and I'll be tempted to smack them. Since I'm always on the verge of smacking them, this could push me over:-). Poor dh just sweats when they come out-he knows I'm less than thrilled with them. I am on my best behavior, but they're, well, let's just say they're a bit excited to see their son and not always watching their tongues. Last time they got mad when my cats jumped on the dinner table and whisked them off pretty firmly expressing their disgust. I then said that the cats were not the guests in the house and it was their table anyway-dh just cringed:-). You do not mess with my babies-I am a fierce mom! If he had gently picked the cats up and put them on the floor it would have been fine...anyway,
so we're collecting bids for the pool fence, and other things, to begin when they leave at the end of july. Our social worker gave us tips on a bunch of stuff and then we bought a book on childproofing, so we're hoping to get a handle on everything. exactly how we survived childhood with exposed edges, no car seats and naked door handles is beyond me:-)
btw, our homestudy is officially finalized as of last week so now we wait (tick, tick...)
And I found one of my kittens sleeping in the infant car seat in the kidroom today-hate to tell him that a screaming stinky thing will want to share it soon:-). The social worker said we'd have a few problems with the cats since i'm the center of their world and they might not be happy with having to share me-duh! We registered for a baby bjorn and a separate baby sling-the baby bjorn for the baby and the sling for the cats onto me-no joke. I'll look pretty funny with one 10lb cat, 2 six lb cats and a 10lb baby hanging off of me-must lift weights to carry all the babies...saw a multiple baby carrier and -I'm not kidding- I thought "hmmm, maybe the cats will like this..." Very disturbing.
I want pictures of that! But don't you worry that once the cats are all slung across you, that the bunnies will get jealous? :D
My husband and I started talking about adoption during our first conversation on infertility options. We ultimately decided that we would not pursue any medical solution, and went straight to adoption. We felt no pressing need to have an infant, and had no desire to adopt internationally. By adopting through our county, we are participating in solving two problems. We want kids, these kids are part of our community and need a family.
Of course, all the hard work is still ahead of me. We are waiting for our homestudy to be signed off, then we will be waiting to be matched.
I think those that are teachers are very lucky, with such a great schedule to be home with your children. I am afraid of the fact that my husband and I are really going to have to work hard to make sure that we do not need childcare. Our schedules should work well that our sister in law could watch our potential infant for one to two days a week. But realistically we won't be stay at home parents, does that lessen our chance to adopt in this county? We have not evcen begun our Pride classes yet, but I we have doen the initial paperwork. Any advise would be great. we live in Rancho Cucamonga and we are hoping to adopt by 2005 after classes and home visits are completed.
It shouldn't prevent you from adopting, I'd guess that having a schedule of one or two days in day care is better than most folks are able to work out. Your worker will ask you questions about your plans for child care... try not to take it as a test where the only right answer is "stay at home mommy".
When you go through the classes and start reading adoption and bonding stuff, you'll see why not spending 50 hours a week in daycare is rather important to parenting kids who have been abused or neglected. But that certainly doesn't mean that one full time stay at home parent is the only possible solution.
As you've got a way to go yet, let me put in a pitch for starting to squirrel away money so you can actually take your 12 weeks (unpaid) family leave, if you work at a company with more than 50 workers. In California, you can offset the financial hit a little with California paid family leave, which will pay you (at the disability rate, maxes out at $700 something) for up to 6 weeks.
hi karen,
wow, good luck with the foster plans. I agree with SheldeMuse- foster kids have special needs with schedules (one of the reasons we didn't do a foster placement for our adoption and went with a newborn). I like the idea of saving for time off. We have been saving for the past 3.5 years, joking about our kid fund when we had no kids:-). Even 10 bucks a week makes a difference and since you're not expecting a placement for a while, saving sounds great. I think making sure you have time set aside during the week is fine. I don't think they're expecting you folks to stay home, or for every woman to become a stay-at-home mom, but they're probably looking to see how you plan to handle the day care situation. best of luck to you!
LisaCA (we're in exciting glendale:-).
I didn't even think about taking a month off by using the FMLA. I don't know why I have done it for my employees in the past, why can't I do it? I am going to plan on that.
We have already decided that we need a baby fund for sure. I love this forum it is so helpful. So my sisters friends had a call over the week, they were camping at the beach and the sw had a baby girl for them. They got back too late and she was already placed. They already have two adoptive boys and they decided recetnly to add a girl to the bunch. They know that when it is right it will be done so no hardships at this time. That would be the worst if you had to be called out of town for something or what if only one of us could make it-maybe I could not get out of work. Am I worrying for nothing?
I inhertited that great "worry" trait from my mother!
Karen - I find lots of "worry about everything" company here on the boards. Not that they hear from me much, I tend not to chime in on discussions because someone has always covered my point of view.
So, if you didn't think about FMLA or the California paid family leave... this might really amaze you:
Special Rule for Adopting a Child With Special Needs
Beginning in 2003, the maximum credit and exclusion, subject to the income and tax liability limits discussed earlier, will be allowed for the adoption of a child with special needs even if you do not have any qualifying expenses. For 2003, the maximum amount for each is $10,160.
Child with special needs: An eligible child is a child with special needs if he or she is a citizen or resident of the United States (including U.S. possessions) and a state determines that the child cannot or should not be returned to his or her parents' home and probably will not be adopted unless adoption assistance is provided to the adoptive parents. Factors used by states to determine if a child has special needs could include:
[*]The child's ethnic background,
[*]The child's age,
[*]Whether the child is a member of a minority or sibling group, or
[*]Whether the child has a medical condition or physical, mental, or emotional handicap.
If your state has determined that the child you are adopting is a child with special needs, you should keep evidence of that fact for your records.
So there is a little something to help us offset the expense of taking lots of time off work. Here are web links to the information:
The first link has an article that says this tax credit is complicated... don't let that throw you. For those of us doing special needs adoption with low or no costs, it seems pretty darn simple! Just be sure to hang on to the information, in case your tax preparer (or Quicken!) isn't aware of the provision for special needs adoption.
Also, I just checked California tax info (to the best of my ability... I'm an engineer :) ) and found that while they don't throw any extra cash at us, you can take a credit of 50% of the "qualified costs" in the year the adoption is "ordered". Here is a link to a table of tax credits:
We are in So.Californai too.
We are in the Inland Empire (Corona/Riverside Area)
We have 3 children. 1 homegrown and 2 adopted. We have one chidl with specila needs. We are currently waiting for another match! We have adopting through Riverside County Adoptions:)
Hi everyone,
We live in San Bernardino/Riverside area, but we travel over to yorba because we have family there. My partner and I are Fost/adopt through San Bernardino county and we currently have a 2 1/2 year old little girl who has been with us 6 months and we should be finalized in February.
Hi everyone,
We live in San Bernardino/Riverside area, but we travel over to yorba because we have family there. My partner and I are Fost/adopt through San Bernardino county and we currently have a 2 1/2 year old little girl who has been with us 6 months and we should be finalized in February.
w e're adopting domestically, but it took a ton of reading and thinking to decide all the other factors (age, number, other specifics). We went to a ton of orientations, read about 20 books and finally came to some decisions.
For anyone, I would just suggest making it easy for the worker to see you as responsible parents when they come out. Move the cleaning products to the cabinet over the fridge, have the hot water heater set to something below scalding, know where you would lock up meds when kids are in the house, and have things orderly.