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To all BMoms - I'm looking for someone I can email or talk to tonight about what you would be going through (or went through) if your Adaughter contacted your son/daughter.
I just found my 1/2 brother and talked to him on the phone Sunday - he had no idea he even had a 1/2 sister, but we had a really good conversation ( after he called his sister and confirmed that his mom did indeed have another daughter that was placed for adoption).
He was going to give my phone numbers to my BMom and we decided it would be best to let her decide to call.
Now, I know it's only been a couple of days and that she may be wrestling with some serious internal issues, but none the less, I'm still very anxious.
I would like to hear from any BMom that had an ADaughter make contact with another family member first. I would like to understand any concerns or struggles that occured that stopped you from making immediate contact.
I'm really struggling with rejection issues and believe if I could understand the internal battles BMoms go through, I wouldn't have to re-address my issues I've worked so hard to get through.
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im kinda in your place...im a bmom...not so hard to do but afamily found me and left pictures and a letter at my new biz. i was blown away, always hoped this would happen, but never prepared. they left an email address which that nite i tried to reply to. no luck. email wouldnt go through, tried variations...nothing. i was horribly bummed. my mom asked if i tried a physical address lookup with the email...this is the lady that has no clue about computers..haha....think i found the right one, couldnt write them though. by this time i was too scared and like you said, feeling rejected. so my mom did, it never was returned, so i cant say for sure it got to them. about a month ago, tried to send my email again, it never came back either. havent heard anything though. i know how horribly shy i was as a child...know that my son is as well from prior correspondence...i just hope he knows its ok. id just like to know one way or the other...mel
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Scared...I just reunited with my daughter after 8 years, but it took me 4 years to work up the courage her aparents kept asking the agency to ask and they would and I would run like a chicken...thinking what is she hates me, what if she does not want to know me at all, what if I am not good enough for her? So many questions and no answers and no one to talk to about them at the time. I spent so many years wondering if she loved me the way that I loved her and if she didn't how would I deal with that? You never know and fear is sooo big when it comes to rejection from the child that you have loved sooo long and never known.
Just some thoughts from me...a very grateful birthmother....
If you want to talk we can just send me a private message.
I lost a daughter to adoption 2 years ago. Kelly is 5 now. I hope and pray that some day she finds me. I didn't give her up by choice, and still wish she was in my life. I know that it must be a little different to let a child go willingly, but I bet your mom still did what she had to do. I can't tell you how she wil react but I hope for you that it goes well. I wish I had some good advice to say to you but you will be in my thoughts.
i dont know, i for sure have to get my behind in gear...im late on our annual letter...but i havent recieved one either...soo i feel im in limbo. we arent really supposed to know so much about each other according to the agency, but im not entirely dumb and neither are they so we all figured alot out.
my son will be 11 in june. i still see him as 2 months old....
i have 11 neices and nephews now and have a hard time knowing how they are at their ages and imagining my son at that age.
im scared he hates me...
geesh
you think as time goes it gets easier...
mel
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HELLO I AM A BMOM AND I GOT TO TELL YOU I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT TO HER FROM ANY ONE OF THE CHILDREN WHO I PUT UP FOR ADOPTION. BUT I WOULD FEEL SCARED AND MAY TAKE ME A FEW DAYS OR WEEKS TO RESPOND AND IT WOULD NOT BE CUZ I DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIM OR HER IT WOULD BE ME. WHAT WOULD I SAY WHAT ARE YOU THINKING OF ME WHY DID I DO IT LOTS OF QUESTIONS THAT I'LL HAVE TO COME UP WITH ANSWERS. I BELIVE SHE'LL CONTACT YOU IN HER OWN TIME MAYBE SHE IS SCARED I KNOW I AM GOING TO BE.
I am a bmom and although my son will know me through out his life I have based my future on being able to share all my choices starting with having him and his adoption as well as reminding him of the blessing he has given to parents that could not carry him! I know that had I continued to make poor decisions in my life he would look at me and say wheew thank goodness she gave me to another family, but for me having my son turned my life around and now I can say son you were a blessing to your afamily and to your bfamily! I have a fabulous husband a son on the way and a son that is already here! I know now that he can look at me and say thank you for giving me a life I could not have had, a family that would not have been able to have me and a 1/2 brother who will know me. I just wish his bfather could have turned out the same way so that he could meet his other 1/2 brother's one day! I am hoping that he can know how many people out there loved him from day 1! On top of it all he was concieved on 9/11/2001 and I was military at the time so for me he was a blessing during a tough time for our entire nation!