Birth Mother expenses????

When my husband and I were adopting we passed on any match that had bmom fees that we thought were too much. We found many that agencies that listed the emom fees as 10,000 or more. For us that was just too much money. One agency contacted us three times saying that the emom really liked our profile, but could not come down on the fees. So we asked for an itemized list of what the 10,000 would be used for the agency said it was personal. if they could not provide us with a list of what the money would be used for that we did not want to deal with them. I know that emoms/bmoms need help, but in most cases they can continue working and supporting themselves. In the end we were matched with a bmom with expenses of around $3500. We received an itemized list which included rent, food, medical co-pays, utilities. She did get upset because we could NOT pay her car payments and car insurance that was illegal in her state. However, a month later we got a bill for another 1500 because due to having an emergency c-section she could not return to work as quickly as expected. I was upset at first, but after thinking about it even though it was unexpected it was only right that we help her out. Of course the judge in the case had to approve these additional fees, and the payment had to be recorded by the agency. This is a very touchy subject for all involved. All I can say is decide in your heart what you think is fair, and pass on the possible matches that you think are asking for too much. Money can cause relationships to be tense. If you are planning an OA it is important that you not harbor any resentment about the amount of fees you paid.