Have a lot of non-identifying information, also have a name. I also have the name of the attorney who handled the adoption on my birthparents end. I have hired an agency to help me, I've actually given them all the information I had along with information I have since found myself, nothing from them yet except; ("no two snowflakes are the same.") ie. We have nothing for you yet. I'm curious if some of us from NJ will ever have what we seek until the bill to open sealed adoption records is passed. I received some help from another adoptee who has handed me two possibilities. Two women, two addresses. I find myself afraid to jump in and send a letter, what do you say? Any suggestions? Thanks! Trish
I was adopted through CC in patterson also. I gave them all my info on more then one occasion, to be told the same as you.. and that they could release more non id info to me, and that price keeps going up. I already have 2 last name possibilities as it is because court paperwork and hospital papers were different by 1 letter. They won't tell me anything more unless I commit to the cash which I just don't have.
I used CC in Paterson and went to a maternity home in Trenton (1970) but was fortunate enough to have kept my daughter. I am impressed that you have a birth name and possible addresses of your mother, but don't understand why the agency you hired isn't getting you more results. Can you narrow down the possiblities any further?
jozak: You pose an excellent question! I think this could be a perfect example of "take the money & run". I will be e-mailing them this week, I'll try to be more aggressive this time around, maybe a little anger will help. You suggested narrowing down the possibilities, could you suggest some ways? I'm feeling stuck currently, and maybe new ideas will help. Thank you! Trish
Hi Trish, I tried to post a reply and it didn't work (must be my great comuter skills) so this one will be shorter. I used Paterson CC and live in the nest town. I would assume your ** lived close to Paterson also. Is either possibility nearer than the other? Do you have ages for these women? Sometimes locateamerica (first search - the free one) helps by giving an age. Is the name common or not? Could this be the same person who has moved? Could you call/write and fish around with a good story so you might know which way to go? Could this be mother and daughter with the same names? The few times I spoke to my CC social worker, I got the distinct impression she also was dealing with the adoptive parents. But my mind was pretty made up when I went to Saint Elizabeth's and I never spoke to her again once I got there. Not that I couldn't have benefitted from some social service, but I received none. I went to Trenton because that home was the biggest and furthest away of the two CC mentioned. But I couldn't go into St. E's until a girl I graduated high school with left - I knew she was there, but she didn't know I was coming, so CC protected her privacy. Such a small world. Joanne
I would say for having the name to check the ages with locate america first and go from there. As for writing, I wish I had better advice but I'm not half as close as you are in names.. I only have a last name and 2 possible ones at that since hospital and court are different by 1 letter at the end. I found this article to sound like it would be really helpful and maybe it can help you out some with writing your letter. [url]http://library.adoption.com/Birthmother-Letter/The-Golden-Rules/article/3408/1.html[/url] Hope all goes well for you. Stacey
OK, here we go! I sent an e-mail to the Agency I hired, and WOW received a phone call yesterday. Reading between the lines, I really don't think they have much however, of the two possibilities given to me by someone on this site, one could be of interest. So I am back to, what do you write, what do you say? Thank you Stacey for the website, I will definately referance it. I think I will go the Family Tree route the agency suggested. Joanne, I was wondering if the name Mrs. Losty sounded familiar to you, she was my birthmother's social worker in 64? I also mailed a letter to CC yesterday letting them know that I know my birthmother's name. The Agency feels I may have "shot myself in the foot". I was hoping they would consider mediating. Thanks for all the encouragement and suggestions! trish
hi trish, grace losty was my social worker in 1970. of course once i got to st. e's i never spoke to her again - i was not a compliant unwed mother and wasn't what she wanted/needed in a client. of course, that may have been a good thing (that she never spoke to me again) - at least that was one less person to insult and berate me. i fully support your "right" to know who your birthmother is. but i have no clue as to what to say. you could write a general letter saying when you "knew" grace losty (what year & where, but not how), telling your name and date of birth, asking whether the person you are writing also knew grace losty. then you wait for a response - if you get a response, it could be positive or negative - you have contacted either the right person or the wrong person. if it is the right person, she may not choose to discuss anything with you. if it is the wrong person, she may reply saying just that, or not reply at all. if it is the right person, she may start asking you questions. i guess the information you offer should be identifying enough so that if this is your birthmother she will immediately recognize who you are. i wish i could be of more help. all i can offer you are my sincere wishes that your search be sucessful. if you think of anything you might want to ask me, i will really try to answer you honestly. and if there is any way i can help you, just ask. some birthmothers are waiting to hear from their children, some are not. since 1970 was a rough time for an unwed mother, i can assure you that 1964 was even worse. and maybe the circumstances of getting pregnant were not ideal, but one of the mothers i was at st. e's with said it best when referring to her daughter and the birthfather: "there will be another ken, but there will never be another amy." that was pretty insightful for a young woman who took her favorite stuffed toy to the hospital for moral support when she went into labor. she seemed so much more mature than i was then, but we were in the same situation, so i guess she really wasn't. there are all these layers of secrecy making this so difficult for you. they were put into place to protect your mother's privacy - and they have apparently done that well for 40 years. but maybe that is not the best for all concerned. i doubt that it is. joanne
Hi Trish,I was just reading and seen CC in Paterson NJ and almost fell off my chair when I read what was written bout them. I am a ** in search of my birthdaughter born June 15 77 in Wayne, NJ and the adoption took place through CC in Paterson also they are nothing but rude to me and I just don't trust what they are telling me. Do you have a case worker who handled your adoption. If there is any info you can provide me please contact me by via email I would very much appreciate any help or advice I can give and willing to also help others.ThanxLeigh
Hi- if anyone knows how to get in touch w/ BobnLeighW, I sent them this private message hoping they'd read it, but it looks like they haven't been on for a year. I had a good experience w/ CC of Paterson, NJ, and so did my aparents, but I know my bparents (who were teenagers) felt belittled by them. Here is what I know... if ANYONE can find this info useful, or if you have any questions for me, please contact me. I am one of the lucky ones and have a geat relationship w/ my bfamily. I have a lucky star out there with my name on it. I hope you do, too! Hi- I'd love to help you. I spoke with Mary Kudla (very nice) and her number is: 973-523-9595 x 29. Their address is:CFCS476 17th AvePaterson, NJ 07504email: ccAdoptions@msn.comand I believe they have a website also:[url="http://www.catholicharities.org/index.cfm?s=5&ss=5"]http://www.catholicharities.org/index.cfm?s=5&ss=5[/url] When I wrote them my letter waiving confidentially, etc, I was in correspondance with Lilia M. Vasquez. I received all this information on June 1, 2005, so not that long ago.I wish you so much luck with your search. Oh! I said earlier than my 1/2 sister found me. She went through Joanne Stanik (email@example.com) and her website is [url="http://www.adoptiondatabase.org/"]www.adoptiondatabase.org[/url]. She reunites adoptees and birthfamilies. She only charges $200 after she's found who you're looking for. She found me in less than 24 hours. GOOD LUCK, and please contact me if you have any questions, need advice, or just want to vent. I understand how scary it is. But as an adoptee, I wanted to be found, and it has been the best ride of my life. I wouldn't change a thing.All my luck to you.Karen
just ask the truth isn't that what you want, Good Luck, iam trying to find my son for 30yrs and i can'tgetany answers so that is why i am here
Your lucky, you have more info than I've ever had. What agency is helping you? I hired OMNI Trace, was told they had great successes in NJ and access to all kinds of info - after they took my money, they wanted me to go back to the CC for another non-identifying profile to see if they would leave the room so I could look for a name. They did nothing for me - they were suppose to provide me with a detailed document of all of there time and efforts - that was 3 years ago - nothing
i was adopted through catholic charities myself in 1979. Just curious about the non identifying information you have because I have some as well. I was the third child that my parents had, they already had a boy and a girl but I'm not sure if they were put up for adoption. My mother has diabetes and I believe that they are polish and irish. Just curious if anything might sound familiar to you. I was also born at Morristown Memorial Hospital. Thanks for listening and good luck to you!
I just had to write to this thread even though it is a bit old. My mother gave up her baby on August 14, 1967. She was born at Paterson NJ and handled by Catholic Charities. The thing that got me on this thread is the mention of Mrs. Losty. My mother has died, but I have letters of hers that she wrote when she was "sent away" to CC in June, July, and August 1967 where she mentions Mrs. Losty frequently. I guess she was her case worker. I have already found my birth sister but would love to find anyone who was in CC with my mother and knew her at the time... another pregnant mom perhaps. So if you were at CC in Paterson in June, July or August 1967 maybe you could drop me a line. My mother was 22 I believe, and she went by either Cookie, Pat or Patricia (unless she gave a fake name which I have heard they used to do).She talked about friends she had in there and the doctor who looked like Peter Sellers. She and her friend used to sneak down to the nursery to see the babies. Any of this ring a bell? I'd love to hear more about what it was like there for the girls at that time. My mother said she never was allowed to see her own baby she gave up, and only saw the top of her head as she was taken away.
Hi, Since someone replied recently, I thought I'd jump in too in case any of the previous commenters returned. I was also adopted via Paterson Assoc.Catholic Charities (now CFCS of Paterson) and my caseworker was also Grace Losty. I have not even been able to get my non-id info from CFCS. They are either understaffed or simply disinclined. I'm currently trying again. (Every year during my birth month I update my records with ISRR and do a search.) I do have more legal information than birth information, provided to me by my parents. My docket #, judge, court info, etc. But it would be nice to know a little more about my pre-adoption past than just a number. Can anyone recommend an investigator who is good with NJ adoptee searches dealing with CFCS? I am reluctant to try agencies like Omni. Also, if anyone has had any success communicating with CFCS on post-adoption issues, I'd love to know! KD 9-16-1966 Denville Township