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hi trish,
grace losty was my social worker in 1970. of course once i got to st. e's i never spoke to her again - i was not a compliant unwed mother and wasn't what she wanted/needed in a client. of course, that may have been a good thing (that she never spoke to me again) - at least that was one less person to insult and berate me.
i fully support your "right" to know who your birthmother is. but i have no clue as to what to say. you could write a general letter saying when you "knew" grace losty (what year & where, but not how), telling your name and date of birth, asking whether the person you are writing also knew grace losty. then you wait for a response - if you get a response, it could be positive or negative - you have contacted either the right person or the wrong person. if it is the right person, she may not choose to discuss anything with you. if it is the wrong person, she may reply saying just that, or not reply at all. if it is the right person, she may start asking you questions. i guess the information you offer should be identifying enough so that if this is your birthmother she will immediately recognize who you are. i wish i could be of more help. all i can offer you are my sincere wishes that your search be sucessful. if you think of anything you might want to ask me, i will really try to answer you honestly. and if there is any way i can help you, just ask. some birthmothers are waiting to hear from their children, some are not. since 1970 was a rough time for an unwed mother, i can assure you that 1964 was even worse. and maybe the circumstances of getting pregnant were not ideal, but one of the mothers i was at st. e's with said it best when referring to her daughter and the birthfather: "there will be another ken, but there will never be another amy." that was pretty insightful for a young woman who took her favorite stuffed toy to the hospital for moral support when she went into labor. she seemed so much more mature than i was then, but we were in the same situation, so i guess she really wasn't.
there are all these layers of secrecy making this so difficult for you. they were put into place to protect your mother's privacy - and they have apparently done that well for 40 years. but maybe that is not the best for all concerned. i doubt that it is.
joanne