Originally Posted By Lisa
My sister and her husband are getting ready to adopt their first child. We (the WHOLE family) are very, very excited about this new addition. They were told that when the baby comes home, they should not have any visitors - to allow the baby to bond with them first, get used to their voices, etc.
Any commment from anyone here?
I personally would like to be there right from the beginning of his life - but of course, whatever is better for the baby is what should be done. We are a very close family, spend lots of time together - always have, so we need to bond wiht him, too!
Originally Posted By To Lisa, Kelli Ann
My parents were told the same thing when they adopted me in 1968. When we adopted in 1996, we were welcomed home by everyone! About 30 or more friends & family in the home waiting to welcome our son! How does your sister & husband feel? Do they want yall there? I would go by how your sis & husband feel. Trust me, with all the commotion, etc, my son bonded to me & my husband just fine. He is a healthly & active 4 year old. My sister-in-law held him the first 2 days more than I did. (I was fearful & exhausted) I would not have made it through without her! Our son knows who his parents are, no bonding problems what so ever! Congrats to your sister & your entire family! The adoption of a baby is always a wondeerful experience. If I can be of any help, just let me know & I will send you my email! Best of wishes!!!
Originally Posted By D
We did have visitors but limited who our kids got passed to/how much, etc. That's only appropriate for ANY newborn! One other thing we did which was very hard for our moms (baby's grandmas) to understand was that ONLY my dh and I gave them their bottles for the first 2 months. From the reading I did beforehand, we determined that was best and most simliar to the familiarity of breastfeeding (same smells, hold baby the same way, baby sees same face, etc.) Our moms were disappointed, but we held our ground and there were no hard feelings. We also both wore the same perfume/after shave for the first 2 months so the smells were the same for the baby.
One thing that aparents have to watch out for is that we tend to be soooo excited that we're ready to show the baby off to everyone, go places, etc. This wears out the baby and the parents! Even though our "physical condition" doesn't call for it, we need to remember to take it easy for a while--the baby has been through the birthing experience even if we haven't!
Originally Posted By Cheryl
When you get down to basics, what is the difference in bringing home a new born adopted infant versus a new born "natural" child? Everyone should be allowed to visit just the same. Nobody is going to take over and run the show. Everybody is usually proud for the new parents. Maybe they need to take a reality check and look at the situation. There really is no difference. After a few days everyone will settle into a routine and visit every few days or once a week or so just like any other new birth situation. Eventually, no matter how anxious/desperate they are to become parents, they are going to want a break and the child needs to know others so the baby sitting will be easy on all concerned. I think they are taking this to the extreme. After all they are the ones that will spend most time with the child. And it only takes about 12 days for an infant to forget the old routines and caregivers and adapt to the new ones.
Originally Posted By To Cheryl
I agree! Our agency did not limit our vistors & even if they did, we would not have listened! We were way too excited! I had often wondered how many days it took for an infant to forget the old routines & adapt to the new, thanks for sharing that tid-bit of info!
Originally Posted By Lisa
Hi, Cheryl!
Thanks for responding! They, of course, want to do what is best for the baby - of course, not knowing if that really WOULD be best! I agree, I think everyone who has a baby needs just a little help! I am sure it gets tiring (not a mom yet). I wonder if anyone else had ever heard about the "No visitors" thing?
Originally Posted By Michael's Mom
Our agency did not say "no visitors" but they did suggest that no one but me or my husband hold our newborn adopted son for the first two weeks. Their viewpoint was that the baby needed to hear our heartbeats and get to know who his parents were. We explained this to our friends and they understood. Of course it is impossible to tell a grandmother that she cannot hold her new grandson. So exceptions were made for immediate family and we put a "two minute limit" on holding him. The agency did say under no circumstance should anyone other than mom or dad feed the baby because it is during feeding that bonding occurs most. We did listen to that advice for the first two weeks. After that everyone was anxious to hold our new little son and we gladly showed him off and shared him with all.
Originally Posted By forming "new" bonds
They think that is going to take away the bond the child has with it's mother? That never happens.A bond between Mother and Child can not be replaced,destroyed.Just being separated from it's Mother is traumatic,and they never get over it,no matter how or what you do to try and change something that can never be changed.