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Just as hard as it is for a birthmom to place her child in another's arms it is equally hard for us to let go of the child who grew in our heart. We had a different mindset back in the closed adoption days. It is hard and takes time to work through another way. We are fearful and it comes out many times with anger or distance or placing quilt. It is a way of fighting the new way. We do it out of fear. Once each member of the triad has worked through their fear than we can all relax and begin a different journey which includes all of us. Some may never let go of that fear and that is their choice. It keeps them in bondage. It hurts everyone.
I am past the fear because my daughter is pretty much gone. I dealt with every emotion imaginable. I am moving toward peace. I am pretty much numb right now. Sometimes I am angry, sad, feelingless and feelings of things will never be as they were. Sometimes I want to shake my daughter and say, "What's with you?" Other times I want to hug her and say, "Come home!" It's hard for us too!