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Hi everyone, Im new to all this and wonder if you can help me understand things. I just found out that my father put a child up for adoption when he was 16. It was a closed adoption. I grew up an only child. My Dad called me a couple of weeks ago and told me about this because he was contacted my his child ( a 46yr.old woman) And she would like to meet him. Heres the hard part, she called his house out of the blue, told the person who anwserd the phone (my mom) that she was looking for him and she was his daughter!Turns out the birth mother gave her his name. We are very interested in meeting her but cant get over the huge violation of contact. The bmom had no right to give out his name. We wish she would have contacted him herself first. Fortunatly my mom knew about this part of my Dads past. But that is beside the point! I have been reading alot of posts here and it helps me understand this strange world I have been thrust into. I notice all the adoptees seem so sensitve to their birth familiy's feelings. I wonder what made this person be so careless? We are alittle nervous to meet her because of that. It just puts us off to a rougher start. Any perspective would be wonderful. Thanks
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I'm new at this too. I hired someone to find my b-mother but no luck as of yet. They recommend to have the first contact themselves and I think it is because of the reason in your post. Can't imagine doing that. When I first started looking, I made a lot of phone calls and possibly may have missed her because I wouldn't say the nature of my call to some other member of the family. What if she never told anyone. The "what if's" are numerous. I'm sorry for your family because this is just what I don't want to happen but it sounds like the best thing to do is roll with the punches and try to make the best of the situation. It is going to be stressful no matter what happens. I wish you all the luck in the world and tell your husband he did a wonderful thing. If my birthmother hadn't given me up, I would have lost out on the most wonderful family.
Julie
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Hi,
I am a reunited adoptee and know how difficult that first contact is. Although I would not have made it the way it happened in your family, I think I would give this person the benefit of the doubt. It is such a scary thing to write that first letter, to pick up the phone and make that first contact. And if she has never read a book on the subject or looked at posts on this forum maybe she just didn't know how to do it so just grabbed the phone and jumped in.
I wish you much happiness in your reunion. It is a very emotional time but can be very rewarding for everyone.
Snuffie