what to do if birth mother has another family now?

I just found my daughter after a long long search for her...she looked one day and I saw her on adpotion.com I have ALWAYS wanted to find her,but she never searched because she felt,the same thing you feel...she turned 21 in Aug,,and said what the heck(if she is looking she'll find me)...and I did...so I say to U why not,,,,if you are courious then go for it,,,I have 3 other children and I married her b-dad....so she has this whole family to join,plus the family she already has,,,,,it's great....what a Christmas..... best wishes Candie:D

Hi Marc-Andre, While every birth mother is different, I would love for my birth daughter to contact me. I have a family with whom I have shared the existence of my birth daughter. I told my husband about her before we were married, because I have always hoped that she would "show up on my front door step". I would welcome her and her family with welcome arms. If you are unsure how your bio mom would react, there are many different discrete ways in which to contact her. But first you have to find her. Best wishes in your search, Barbara

I am a birthmom and I have another family including an adopted child. No one can replace my firstborn or my love for her. SHe is not a secret and we discuss her regularly looking forward to our reunion very shortly! I cannot speak for your birthmom and its always a gamble. YOu may get hurt or you may be welcomed with open arms. Reunions are a rollercoaster and not without pain and fear. However, if you dont search, you will never know if your birthmother is out there, loving you every day, praying for you and wanting to see her child. She may be searching for you or waiting to see if you contact her as not to disrupt your life.

Wow, thank you for your wonderful advice and its kinda re-assuring to know that some birth mothers still think about their biological kids. I know every one's situation is different, but somehow i at least feel safer. I just feel like saying to you birth moms out there a big thank you. Why? Because that's what i would say to my birth mom for what she has done, i am truly grateful, and i can appreciate ( no matter how different each and everyone's situation) what you have done. Merci :) Marc-Andr Ottawa, Ontario

I have known about my sister since I was a child. She was adopted out at birth. She is my half sister, which makes no difference to me, we are still famliy. Do what you feel is best for you. Good luck

In just the last 4 years, I have contacted my biological maternal side. I had the same feeling you do, but i thought even if it was an unwanted surprise to them , at least that way I knew. But they were so happy to see me. I have 4 biological siblings, the two youngest of whom I have also been able to find, in just the last year, and I am a huge part of their adopted family. I call their adopted grandmother gradma, just like they do. You'll be amazed....9 times out of 10, they are just waiting for the day you call them. If you need any help on searchin, feel free to e-mail me, because I had to go through all the ropes. Good luck!

This is all good advice and stories. I may try that solution to take courrage and start searching, slowly and step-by-step mind you. I am glad i do have some non-identifying information to help out a bit. Hehe, i'm glad i'm a more "cautious-by nature" fellow, that way i can search without one day coming off out of the blue to my biological mother and "surprise" What was the best and or hardest part about being searched? I know many discussions are about young adults ( or adults for that matter) looking for their biological parents, but not that many about how the birth parents feel about being searched. As a university student, i always try to think of different scenarios before doing something, and i can't help but wonder, has it ever happened that a birth parent wanted contact or wasn't ashamed of it, but her new ( or old ) partner didn't want a "stranger" walking into their lives? Its like in that show Smallville ( superman growing up as a teenager) when one of the characters Lana Lang discovers her biological father and they hit it off, but his new wife is against it and it makes things complicated, even warning Lana that her biological father would "lose interest". Sorry, i just love that show, but that moment made me think about the potential risks of such a search. Anyway, enough rambling. Hope everyone has a very happy holiday Joyeuses ftes tous et ꠠ toutes. Marc-Andr Ottawa,Ontario